Anyway, today I rode my bike down to Sycamore Pool, in Bidwell Park. The pool is made when they dam up the creek that runs through Bidwell Park. Once a week they let the dam down and clean it out. It's pretty cool. I've got some other pictures of it - I took them last Summer when I had my nephews for a week. During the Summer, lifeguards are on duty and the park is full. I went through fairly early in the morning, but one guy was just drying off after a swim. I was tempted to try to get his picture, but I didn't want to seem like a stalker. Taking all these pictures, it's so new to me. I'm not sure what is okay and what isn't. In the past, I was taking pictures of my family or my friends - I already knew it was okay with them.
Here's a long shot, the dam is all the way down on the right. There's a bridge just after the dam and when you look on the free flowing side of the bridge, you can always see big fish. S has these special fishing glasses and a few months ago we walked down there and looked for fish in the pool. The glasses are polarized or something like that. He loves to fish - it makes sense that his sunglasses would be fishing glasses.
He's called a few times lately. I don't know how long that will last. I want to think that things are moving back to normal, but I've thought that before. I've found that at a certain point, I start building walls. That sucks. I don't want to be that kind of person. I want to be genuine and open, but I'm not feeling that way. I'm feeling guarded and hesitant. I don't think it's permanent, this wrong-me. I think it can be fixed, but some of that good that we had a few months back, I can't ever get back. That was some serious faith and trusting on my part, something that I have never given in quite that way - not even the first time we were together, when we were kids.
Oh, well. Time will tell. And tomorrow I've got a party to go to - my nephew Brad's birthday. I'm pretty excited.
That's about it....... so happy that my connection held out this time.