Sunday, April 26, 2009

GroGood For the Jesus Center

I got this stuff in the mail last week - 2 planters, 2 trowels, 2 bags organic plant food, 2 shopping bags, and 2 shopping cards that are supposed to be used to purchase soil. Sarah and I are going to have an urban garden, where we grow vegetables on the patio. It's for the GroGood program.

We want to donate some to the Jesus Center, a facility for homeless folks. Sarah did a Girl Scout event there earlier this year and she had so much fun. She enjoyed all their stories. Bay has worked down there, as well, and Sarah and I have run a 5k event that benefits the Jesus Center twice on Thanksgiving. The whole Chico community supports the program.
I asked Mom what we should grow - what would produce the most vegetables in the smallest amount of space? She suggested zuchini, but I already have a couple of those in my other planters. Any suggestions? I think that I will do some basil. It's easy and we love it.
It's going to be so much fun. By the way, I have little green tomatoes on my cherry tomato plant already. I'll keep you updated on our progress. I'm also going to be documenting it over at BlissTree on the Food/Nutrition section.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Balance On One Foot

I was messing around in the front yard with my camera yesterday. I haven't been out there as much as I'd like, was making up for lost time. I had a lot of things to shoot, but I was out of fresh ideas. I got this and wanted to show Mark, because I was trying to explain to him, on the phone, how it looked. Like an onion, I said. It's sort of plopped down in a pot that includes a tree from Grandma's old house and assorted flowers. I have a feeling that it was a one-shot Easter flower. I like to lay in the grass and have my focus catch on different tiny plants or grass blades. I like the disjointed look in the background and sometimes I get some cool bokeh.

Make a wish!
I had a photo in my Etsy shop and I've been thinking that I'd like to recreate the shot with my Canon, because when it's printed, it has a bit of noise and messiness to it. Very frustrating. I want something better. I need to work on the colors .......

and the framing, composition, etc, so that I can recreate this one below.

See how I'm not even close? I think I shot toward a car and the light flared back or something. Hard to make it happen again. It needs more pink.
I am so tired today. I wanted to get away for a quick trip to the creek, but I had too much work. I kept falling asleep mid-type with my laptop in my lap, so I thought I'd take the advice of a friend and nap. Nope. Bay called and I have to go pick her up. I hope that I don't fall asleep on the road. Oh, that's not funny. Sorry.
I feel bad today. My eyes hurt, my tummy hurts.
*edit* I took a part out here. I'm way too introspective lately. I need to get over myself. So, this next part won't make sense, but well.........
Everything is about balance. Balance your diet. Balance your checkbook. Balance your skin ph. Balance your time in terms of work and play. Balance the spices in the dishes you cook. Balance on one foot for Tree Pose.
See the ending is kind of out of left field. What does that saying mean? "Out of left field?"

Monday, April 20, 2009

I'm All Over It

I went on a hike with Mom and Sarah this weekend. Don't they look cute? It was so warm on Saturday. Mom brought us Capri Suns and when we got to the top, I felt sick to my stomach. I don't think that Pop Tarts make an adequate pre-hike meal. I guess that's the reason I don't buy them more than once or twice a year. That's just often enough to really appreciate the treat-feel of them.

I had so much on my mind this weekend and the best place to go when I'm feeling like that is up the hill. I heard from my ex's ex and apparently she was never an ex at all. I feel bad, not because I still want him, because in no way do I ever want that again, but I feel bad that I was put in the place of The Other Woman. That sucks. I would not do something like that. Never. Or maybe we were both The Other Woman. Either way it sucks.

I got a couple of messages from her, one was a comment on a blog entry. She seems really nice and he always said negative things about her. I feel like I chose not to see so many early warning signs. For example there's this - if your exes hate you, it's probably for a reason. I did not hate any of my exes, including my ex-husband, until now. I felt, with them (including him when we were kids) that we grew apart. It was painful at the time, but it was just a natural thing, a sort of progression. This thing with him, it was a deliberate plan to get away with something horrible and deceitful. He is not a good person.

After hearing from her, I was really doubting myself and my ability to see people clearly. I think of myself as a good judge of character. I could not have been more wrong. When I think that he actually used Depression as an excuse for disappearing it makes me sick. I was so worried about him.

I refuse to spend another moment thinking about him and his BS. He is a fraud. I don't have time for frauds.

Here are a few of the things that I do have time for:

*My family
*My Mark
*My friends
*My work
*My camera
*My running
*My hikes
*Okay, really Mark should be on that list a few more times.

I'm hoping to go to lunch with Leah this week. We are going to meet at a Tea place. They have smoothie drinks made of tea. Yum. I'm trying to figure out how to make one for the Food/Nutrition blog. Anyone know any good tea-type smoothie recipes?

That reminds me....... I'm doing another pistachio giveaway. These pistachios were not involved in the recall. I don't have the link, but if you'd like to enter for a chance to win five 16-oz bags of Pistachios go to Blisstree and look under the Food/Nutrition section. Leave a comment on the "Healthy Snacks" post. I'll pick a random winner at the end of the week.

I feel like I've finally got myself back. I was mistaken, but I'm not going to change who I am because of it. I still have to live a life that I can be proud of. I want my kids to be proud of me. I want to be a good example. I'm on my way again - not perfect, but working at doing my best.

Okay, time for bed. Good night/morning/day to you.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Learning To Love My Outside

I've been trying to make peace with my appearance lately. It's a struggle for me, which then frustrates's a whole Big Thing. What does it matter what I look like? I'm clean and I smell good. My skin is soft and my teeth are flossed. I've got it covered, right? Ehhh.....

Some days I'm fine with it all, the whole package. I think I need to lose a bit more weight, but I know that it will come off with my marathon training. My skin is pretty okay and I do write about makeup and skin care, so I have a whole lot of products available to me. (Which is my favorite part of the job).

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd wear shoes other than flip flops. Dressier than flip flops is what he meant. Well, yeah, I could do that, but then I'd probably need a new outfit to go with the shoes, since all my clothes are flip-floppable.

How come I'm an adult and I still wear the footware of a child? Shouldn't I own at least one really nice outfit? If I had the outfit, what would I wear over it if I was cold, because I doubt he'd like me using my blue hoodie either, In fact that would probably be a more serious infraction.

Okay, the whole thing makes me laugh, but it also worries me because it makes me think that he must have a whole closet full of big boy clothes and maybe I'm not grown up enough for a man who wears big boy clothes. It should not be too much for a man to expect his lady to be able to put on something nice every once in awhile. I think I need to do some shopping because I want him to be proud of me and I want to feel proud of myself, as well.

So many times I feel like I'm younger on the inside than I appear on the outside. I worry that I'm a fraud, that everyone can see my doubts, like they are fully visible and listed by order of fraudliness down the side of my face. Number one would be "still fairly clueless about raising teenagers," because that's a particular challenge I've struggled with today. Number two might be.... "worried she's bit off more than she can chew in regards to this damn marathon situation."

No. Wait. I reject that one. I'm not a fraud in the case of that one. I fully expect to be overwhelmed by marathon training, I'm guessing that there will be a lot of tears. I'm going for it anyway, because no matter what doubts I feel, no matter how many times I have to talk myself off that you-suck cliff-side, I know that I'm fine. I know that I'm attractive in my own way, and I know that I can run 26.2 miles with 5 months to train. I know it.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Showing Mark the Park

I had the best weekend. My pal, Jackie, brought her kids over and they spent the night. We sat out on the patio, around a fire, and talked and talked. The kids played video games and got goofy. It was so relaxing.

The next night I stayed up all night talking to my new boyfriend on the phone. Again, we talked and talked. I figure we've put a couple of months worth of talking in just a week and a half. He's got a lot of ideas and I look forward to hearing him examine each and every one. :)

This one is of Bay and I took it when I was walking up from the creek. It's so beautiful here. The trees curve above and it feels like you are in a .... basket? a tent? It feels pretty and it feels protected, like the trees are embracing you.

These photos of the park are here for him. Well, I want to show them for Nature's Notes, but I picked this spot in particular to show to Mark. That's his name. Mark. That's the creek, back there. I'm facing the opposite direction now and just a little to the West of the first photo. In the past few weeks, the trees have filled out, so it's probably even more green now.
Tomorrow is the first day back to school. I have loved every single day of sleeping in. I will be sad when my alarm goes off and it's still dark out tomorrow morning.
I had such plans for the vacation time. I was going to organize and clear out and finally get things back in order. Instead, I wandered around, my head in the clouds. I cannot say that I hated it, because I so did not. I think I deserve a bit of head in the clouds time and I will savor every single second of it.

Monday, April 6, 2009

A Quick Update

I have found that my world changes in leaps and jumps. It goes along and no big deal, then all of a sudden something huge (for me) will happen. I try to keep things fairly boring, because, well I feel comfortable that way. I like peace and a certain amount of order.

Sometimes, well sometimes I jump. An example? Here's an extreme case - I married my ex-husband onthe 5th day that I knew him. Crazy, don't you think? This new thing is not as crazy, but it does involve a new man. I've got a new boyfriend. And he's a good one. In fact I talked about him not very long ago, right here. He is sweet and funny and nice and I've never met anyone who didn't love him.

Max and I have been other-kid-less since Friday morning, when everyone else left for Pismo. I hear that they are having fun and I hope to join them next time.

Kitty is missing the kids and she follows me all over the house. Her meow is loud and dramatic and very oh-poor-me! as she darts up and down the hallway. I'm not sure if she's confused or waiting for them. Today, I tripped over her as I carried Max from the bath. Now that sucked. For all of us.

Okay, all of a sudden I'm really tired and have nothing of interest to write. Darn. How did the end of the day sneak up so suddenly? It does have a habit of doing that.


Thursday, April 2, 2009

Field Trip With Bailey

Bay gets a few minimum days a semester. We've started a tradition - if you can call two times a tradition - of grabbing the cameras and taking photos at the park. I'm mentioned before that Bay has a great eye. We will shoot the same subjects and come up with totally different shots. I wish I had a touch more of her creativity.
We get along so well when we are out there together. We share the two cameras - a Nikon D40 and a Canon Rebel - switching out our memory cards. She prefers the Canon and I am trying to love it, but I think that using the Nikon first, learning on it, has marked me as a Nikon lover. I do not love that Canon.
I dream of a fanicer Nikon......... or maybe I just have developed a taste for cameras the same way that many women have a taste for shoes. I mean, I want old cameras, too, not just expensive cameras. I love to hunt for them in second hand shops. I love to imagine what they must have shot in the past. I love the way my Duraflex looks - I'd love to try to shoot with it as a camera-camera and not just a lens for TTV.

Bay just called from school - she's sick, I can hear it in her voice. So, I've got to make this fast. She is supposed to be leaving with Mom, Greg, and Sarah for Pismo Beach time with Robin's family, but she told me this morning that she did not know if she could make it. She's got to be sick if she will willingly miss out on that. She loves the beach and she loves her Robbie.

I'm using this one as my Facebook icon. My sister remarked that we look alike here. I'll take it - Bay is a beauty and I'd love to look even a little bit like her.

Okay, running off to pick her up........... Happy day to you!