Feels like Monday, but It's Tuesday

Good morning from me and Max, who is above. I caught him when his bus arrived today. He didn't love it, but he was very patient.

I'm up way too late. I was looking at a Facebook friend's music - she shared some Dave Matthews Band - and Bay and I started looking things up. Next thing you know I'm shopping at iTunes. I got a mixture - a little DMB, 3 Jill Scott, 2 Lady Antebellum, a Taylor Swift, a Gary Allan, 2 Miranda Lamberts, and a Shania Twain.

The Shania Twain is that song that goes something like, "Am I dreamin', or stupid, I think I been hit by cupid, no one needs to know right now." I love that song and it was on Twister last weekend. You only hear it for a few seconds, but it's a great song. "I want bells to ring, a choir needs to sing, .... I tell ya someday, someway, or somehow, but I'm gonna keep it a secret now..."

I left this bit on my FB friend's post from the song, The Space Between, by the Dave Matthews Band;

Look at us spinning off in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

I've done that - I've gone off like the devil in a church. I showed a bit of devil this morning when my daughter did not announce that her friend was in the house and I was caught walking down the hallway in my panties and tank top. I wasn't happy. Then, I put pjs on and slide across the kitchen in a puddle of water. I was ka-rank-EE.

When I took creative writing, way back when, I used to listen to DMB as I wrote. I enjoy the way Dave writes his lyrics and I wrote a lot of poetry back then. I wanted to create something similar to the lyrics, but never really got there. I do better with poetry when I take advantage of a certain type of pacing for humor. I think it's a cop-out when I do that, but it's what I do. It's easier to make someone laugh sometimes, then to share something real and raw.

One time, I wrote a poem that was straight from the heart, absolutely how I felt and the way I felt was hurt and pissed. It was one of the first of my poems that I sold (haven't tried to get any published in years) and I was very excited, so I wrote to the ex that inspired it. I was not very computer savvy back then and I accidentally copied or forwarded it to his work email. I was mortified, because it was email that his boss saw for some reason. What a maroon.

There are days when I screw up and I drive myself crazy with the idiocy of my actions, but sometimes I throw my hands up, I shrug, and I move on. There's no fixing some situations. In the words of DMB, I "took (that) ship down..." Wasn't no way to save that one.

Hope this one makes sense. I've reread it, but my brain is tired.

Photos Won't Load

For some reason I can't load my photos. I give up.

Around midday today started to suck. I got into another fight with my oldest daughter and I'm worn out. Raising kids on my own all these years, it's been challenging. I don't have any real memories of co-parenting. I have always done it all, even when I was married for those first 2 years. I'm not sure that's been good. I don't always make the right decision the first time. I don't always say the right thing or do the right thing. Sometimes I am not a good mom. I want to be, it's always my intention, but I feel like I'm figuring it out as I go.

I really hope that my children do a better job than I did choosing a partner. I'd like the single parent trend in my family to stop with me. I want the girls to have a full life with a partner. I would really like for them both to be happy.

Teri's Photo

This is my cousin Joy, my cousin Teri, my sister Robin, and me in Carlsbad, CA, probably in 1978. Joy is littlest, I am biggest. I was 12 and that was the first swimsuit that I was allowed to pick out for myself. I thought it was the coolest suit ever.

I remember the day this photo was taken. My cousins, sister, and I played outside in the sun, danced - Teri remembers learning how to do The Bump from my mom. I think we did some running in the sprinkler, something I still love to do.

My sister and my youngest daughter look just alike in this photo. Robin would have been about 9 here. Look how we all have matching legs here. My brother, he has the same legs, too.

Something about these old photos that I've seen on Facebook lately, they remind me that I sort of lost that girl along the way. The girl in this picture, she was so excited about starting jr high. She had no idea that it would be two of the worst years of her life. Darn jr high.

Robin's Day

It's my sister Robin's birthday today. She's....41. Catching up to me. Okay, not really, but I usually tell her that she is.

I'm still sick, which makes it very hard to train for the 10K Rob and I are running in two weeks. Bay is going to run with us.

I'm having trouble getting going here. Could you tell? It's late and I'm exhausted.

I'm going to try to get to the end of my book tonight. I'm reading Pride, Prejudice and Zombies. It's a good book, I'm not bored, just really, really sleepy. When I'm done with it, I'm going to rent my favorite version of the Pride and Prejudice (without zombies) movie - the one with Keira Knightley.

I love the story. Everyone is guilty of a bit of pride, a bit of prejudice. It's human nature. We can try our best to be open, but we are all works in progress. We'll get there.

G'night.

My Project

Max and I are still sick, so we missed my nephew's 2nd birthday. I am so sad about it. Sarah got to go with her Grandma and I took the picture (above) of her goodie sack stuff. I needed something to use for my 365 Project photo and I liked all the bright colors and the texture of the pink ball.

I'm really interested in the photos that are being posted to the project. Many of them seem family in theme. I see a lot of babies, kitties, meals, and coffee breaks. Sometimes people do really interesting self portraits. I love those. It's hard sometimes (most of the time) to be in front of the camera, much more comfortable behind it. My favorite self portrait was a shoulder and a bright bra strap. It sounds racy, but it was very pretty.

It's so much fun to get this peek into other people's lives. They are sharing a piece of themselves. A gift. I tell my friends about it and try to get them involved. It will be so much fun to see how our photography improves throughout the course of the year.

I think I've got Bay talked into it, too. She took some photos of her boyfriend PJ today. One of them was so sweet, it made me do this sort of breath-catch thing when she showed it to me. He has these big brown eyes and he's looking at her with so much love. So many times I try to catch something special with the camera. I think maybe I've got it, maybe this will be exactly what I'm trying to show, but then I look at what I've got and it's just not what I was trying to capture. I don't know what she was trying to show with this photo, but it's really something special. I hope she sees that.

I have some exciting news. Robin, my sister, and I are going to run a 10K together on the 13th of February,down in her hometown. This means that I get to see her whole family AND I get to have a fun adventure with one of my favorite people. We decided to do it last night, while we watched Philosophy on QVC, while texting. We've texted through a few shows. I was also eating dinner at this time. I was pretty proud of my multi-tasking abilities. I did it all, but I can't say that I did it well. :)

Here's a picture of Robin and I that used during retro week at Facebook. I'm the bigger little hippie kid.

Got the Yuckies

We are sick. Yuck.

First Max, then me, then Sari,........now Bay is feeling a bit down. We've been sick too much this Winter.

Spring? Please, please be a pal and come early this year...... I'll be your best friend!

Do you think that could work?

Watch Kitty & I Got A Wake Up Call

Yesterday, I woke up after a long night of rain. The flower beds right outside my bedroom window were totally flooded. No birds for Kitty to see - she takes her bird watching very seriously, as you can see by her intense gaze and posture here. My bed is right under the window, so if Kitty thinks I've slept too long, she tries to pull the blind up on her own. So, I open it a bit and she lets me pet her for a few minutes, but only if I pet her on the back half of her back. Get near her face and she nips at you.

Last night, Max was sick and Kitty was like his watch-cat. She would meow if he choked and call me in to his room. When I got there, she'd be pacing on the floor, near the foot of his bed. She's never done that before. She must have sensed something. Smart girl. I had to suction him quite a few times, poor kid. Sarah slept through it all.

This weekend, today being the last day of it, was a weird weekend. I woke on Friday with an idea of how I'd like to see my life play out, I had a plan and I really wanted to figure out how to make it work. I wanted to compromise and be open to possibilities. I was pretty excited, because I thought hey, this could work! By Sunday, that idea was completely gone.

**I edited a big portion out of this post. The point is I'm going to do things differently from now on.