Friday, December 31, 2010


I'm having a little trouble getting started with this one.... I have mixed feelings about 2010. It was such an up and down year for me and it's ending on a weird note for my family. I lost my boy this year and part of me wants to hold on to 2010, because it's the last year he saw. I don't know if that makes any sense at all.

I'm happy about my new life and I try to focus on the good stuff. I'm excited about Gavin's arrival and living here with John. I enjoy my job and soon Sarah's basketball season will be starting. I try to write about that stuff on Facebook - I want my focus to be on living a positive life. I have a lot to be grateful for, but one of my family members wrote something about how some people are pretending things are perfect or something like that and I suspect it was focused at me. My life isn't perfect. I don't pretend it's perfect. Who wants perfection?  Perfection is a scary thought to me - a sort of fate teaser. I just want to be happy and live I life I can feel proud of. 

All I can do is to keep working and taking care of my family to the best of my ability. 

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Day After Santa Day

Merry day after Christmas.... How was your holiday?  Mine was good. I spent the majority of the day with John and my girls, but in the afternoon John's parents came over and had dinner with us. I tried a new recipe - Roast Beef with a Dijon/Horseradish Crust. Turned out pretty good - smelled great when it was cooking. (Hhmm, I think I'll make myself a sandwich in a minute....)

This was my first Christmas holiday spent with a partner in about 18 years. John is getting me a washing machine. I'm very practical, so that's my idea of a great gift. I just need to find one and he'll go get it. 

I gave him a haircut today and was worried that I cut the front too short, but then I ended up cutting the whole thing super-short and it turned out great. I've been cutting hair for years, since I was 14 and I was a hairdresser when I lived in Washington, but even so I'm not immune to distractions and a house full of kids and pets usually includes some distractions. It seems that the shorter his hair is, the younger he looks. I'll have to get a picture of him today... I think he looks beautiful.

Today is my second day off of work. My hours are super-light next week which is worrisome.  I'm a bit tired of being broke. I'd love to be able to go see a movie and pick up a pair of basketball shoes for Sarah. Time to look for a second job............

We have a new cat. Her name is Tinkerbell, but we'll call her Tink.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I Liked the Way He Was In the World

I was reading through some entertainment news today and I found a quote that actress Jennifer Connelly gave about to Glamour magazine last year. It has to do with how or when she knew that her husband, Paul Bettany, was the one for her. I loved it then and I love it now because she exactly captures that certain something that all women in love have felt about the men in their lives.

"It was something about the way that we were together," she said. "He stood out to me as someone singular and rare and beautiful, and I liked the way he was in the world. I liked the way he was with people. I liked the way he was with my son and the way he made me feel."

Monday, December 13, 2010

I Really Kind Of Like It Here

It was a dark and stormy night... and it still is. The tree out front is whipping around and the rain is hitting the side of the house. I hope Sis the hound is in her dog house.

One of the many perks involved with moving back to your hometown is that you run into a lot of "old friends." Some are friends-friends, some are acquaintance-friends, and others are just familiar faces you used to know.

Today, I ran into a friend from the 6th grade. He and I attended Bogus School, a one-room schoolhouse back in...well it was a long, long time ago. While we were students there, he "went" with my sister, Robin, then later, at the end of the year, he "went" with me for about a week, so this was a boy that I kissed when I was 11. John is good friends with his son and I recently spent the day with the son when he helped John get in a load of wood. His son is a really nice guy, works hard, very friendly.

Anyway, this guy, Richard is his name, looks very good, hardly aged at all. I knew it was him from halfway across the front of the store, which is not the case with many old friends. I will look at them for the longest time and then think, oh yeah, that's so and so. Richard has a new baby, only 3 months old, and he's a Grandpa. I have to say this - congratulations to Richard and his lady, but oh man I hope I do not have any more kids at this age.

I walked him over to his car, way across the shopping center, over to where his dad was just coming out of Carl's Jr. Now his dad, I hadn't seen his dad since back in the 6th grade days when he had all kinds of long, curly, dark hair. I remember we used to spend the night with Richard's sister, Sara, and listen to their dad's records. Richard's mom would make us ebelskeivers (sp?) for breakfast... that reminds me, I still haven't used my pan. Richard and Sara taught Robin and me how to build forts and pee outside. It was at there house that we first spent time around animals like chickens and turkeys. And I have this clear picture in my mind of what Richard's fingernails looked like as a kid. Yes, I know that's an odd memory to carry, but I've carried it all these years. I mentioned it to John and I'm pretty sure I got one of those My Girlfriend Is A Weirdo looks.

I love living back here. I really enjoy running into familiar faces, feeling ties to a place again. I lived in Chico all that time and never really felt like I belonged there, never felt any ties to the location, although I did meet some wonderful people while I was there, like Max's teachers. My boyfriends, my best friends, they were all people whom I grew up with up here. Every day something happens that makes me feel more sure that I did the right thing moving back.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

I'm Back........

Yahoo! We finally have Internet access again. Dang, that was a long (and impatient wait).

This weekend we drove over to meet John, where he's been working in Happy Camp, CA. We stayed in his camp trailer with him and the hounds. He made us a pot of mushroom soup that was incredible... and simple. It was this - saute 1 diced onion and about 5 diced cloves of garlic in butter (he used a whole cube). Chop mushrooms (John had fresh mushrooms, these huge ones that he found while wood cutting. I'll have to look up the name, but it was something with an M and it sounds Japanese), then add to onions and garlic. Then, add about 5 cups of half & half, salt and pepper to taste. That's it. So darn good.

I miss John so much when he's away cutting wood. Our house is too quiet and too tidy without him here. I miss his made-up songs and his loud, Hello!, when he answers his phone. I miss sleeping next to him most of all. I do appreciate how hard he works and I'm glad that he's got the trailer and isn't staying in a tent after working all day anymore.

Here's a picture of the table and chairs he set up for us while we were there.