Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I Made Soup and I Still Like Barbie

I used to be able to get writing jobs fairly easily. I was hooked up with a big network of moms and I'd just pitch things to them. Later I was hooked up to a big blog network and I just sort of spread myself around pretty well, making a little more, a little more, a little more ... and then it was gone. I've applied for 3 jobs in the last few months and no one wants me anymore. They all say they are looking for a different tone, etc. I can write in a different voice or style, but when I really think about it, I know I want to be me when I write, not some face-less writer who really isn't telling you anything. So many places don't tell you anything anymore. Have you noticed that?  Just a bunch of words strung together in a pretty fashion with no new idea or no real content. Very odd, that is. I want to learn something new either about myself or the subject or the writer. I want to connect. Is that wrong? I thought that was the whole purpose behind blogging in the first place.

In other news, I made some Chicken Soup for my sick husband  last night and it very well might be the best Chicken Soup of my life. It's all downhill from here folks, I've hit the Chicken Soup Peak. ;)  I am going to write it out and get it up at an old food blog that I started forever ago and am pretty sure I'd like to give another go. I love to cook.

I'm going to use my camera every day. Every ding dong day. I used to be that way. I got this yesterday. Tree Moss. It's pretty stuff. Robin and I used to use it in our Barbie houses when we were kids. We were Barbie-girls. I've never understood Barbie-hate. I guess it's because I realized that she was pretend and I did not want to look like her. I missed the whole Barbie ruined my self-esteem boat.  I simply thought she was fun.

Here's the moss....
This came from the bottom of the Christmas tree my husband cut down for me. Sarah and I were watching a movie, he opens the door and shoves this 12 foot tree in the door. It's now about  4 or 5 feet shorter, still not decorated, but it sure is pretty. I missed trees like this when I lived in Chico. I'll post pictures of it tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A Year To Get It Right

I have spent the past year trying to figure out who I am and where I belong. I know it sounds melodramatic (whooo am I???), but my life is very definitely divided into three parts - Before Max, During Max, and After Max. He needed me and that made me feel like there was a reason that I existed. I was here for Max. Not that the girls haven't needed me, but they have always had a certain amount of do-it-herself-ness. Max needed me to do for him, because he couldn't do for himself.

I love being home, living in Northern CA again,  I love being married to John, I enjoy certain aspects of my work life (love working outside, found that I enjoy and have a little talent *my boss's words* when it comes to merchandising), but I'm broke all the time. I haven't seen my brother or my sister and their families in over a year. My grandson doesn't know me, Bay is lost and I can't help her. I never see my two best friends or my mom. I feel cut off. (There goes the melodrama again).

I need to figure out a way to work ONE job and make ends meet. Making ends meet with just a little extra would be a dream come true. (Actually that is most likely the American Dream these days...) I need to get organized (my husband's biggest complaint, hey, organize yourself, kid!) and I need to reconnect with my family and friends. I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and figure out what I'm going to be. I need to make a list of my strengths and weaknesses, do some research about who actually makes money in my area, and get this thing done.

I give myself a year to get it right.