Sunday, January 31, 2010

Teri's Photo

This is my cousin Joy, my cousin Teri, my sister Robin, and me in Carlsbad, CA, probably in 1978. Joy is littlest, I am biggest. I was 12 and that was the first swimsuit that I was allowed to pick out for myself. I thought it was the coolest suit ever.
I remember the day this photo was taken. My cousins, sister, and I played outside in the sun, danced - Teri remembers learning how to do The Bump from my mom. I think we did some running in the sprinkler, something I still love to do.
My sister and my youngest daughter look just alike in this photo. Robin would have been about 9 here. Look how we all have matching legs here. My brother, he has the same legs, too.
Something about these old photos that I've seen on Facebook lately, they remind me that I sort of lost that girl along the way. The girl in this picture, she was so excited about starting jr high. She had no idea that it would be two of the worst years of her life. Darn jr high.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Robin's Day

It's my sister Robin's birthday today. She's....41. Catching up to me. Okay, not really, but I usually tell her that she is.

I'm still sick, which makes it very hard to train for the 10K Rob and I are running in two weeks. Bay is going to run with us.

I'm having trouble getting going here. Could you tell? It's late and I'm exhausted.

I'm going to try to get to the end of my book tonight. I'm reading Pride, Prejudice and Zombies. It's a good book, I'm not bored, just really, really sleepy. When I'm done with it, I'm going to rent my favorite version of the Pride and Prejudice (without zombies) movie - the one with Keira Knightley.

I love the story. Everyone is guilty of a bit of pride, a bit of prejudice. It's human nature. We can try our best to be open, but we are all works in progress. We'll get there.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

My Project

Max and I are still sick, so we missed my nephew's 2nd birthday. I am so sad about it. Sarah got to go with her Grandma and I took the picture (above) of her goodie sack stuff. I needed something to use for my 365 Project photo and I liked all the bright colors and the texture of the pink ball.

I'm really interested in the photos that are being posted to the project. Many of them seem family in theme. I see a lot of babies, kitties, meals, and coffee breaks. Sometimes people do really interesting self portraits. I love those. It's hard sometimes (most of the time) to be in front of the camera, much more comfortable behind it. My favorite self portrait was a shoulder and a bright bra strap. It sounds racy, but it was very pretty.

It's so much fun to get this peek into other people's lives. They are sharing a piece of themselves. A gift. I tell my friends about it and try to get them involved. It will be so much fun to see how our photography improves throughout the course of the year.

I think I've got Bay talked into it, too. She took some photos of her boyfriend PJ today. One of them was so sweet, it made me do this sort of breath-catch thing when she showed it to me. He has these big brown eyes and he's looking at her with so much love. So many times I try to catch something special with the camera. I think maybe I've got it, maybe this will be exactly what I'm trying to show, but then I look at what I've got and it's just not what I was trying to capture. I don't know what she was trying to show with this photo, but it's really something special. I hope she sees that.

I have some exciting news. Robin, my sister, and I are going to run a 10K together on the 13th of February,down in her hometown. This means that I get to see her whole family AND I get to have a fun adventure with one of my favorite people. We decided to do it last night, while we watched Philosophy on QVC, while texting. We've texted through a few shows. I was also eating dinner at this time. I was pretty proud of my multi-tasking abilities. I did it all, but I can't say that I did it well. :)

Here's a picture of Robin and I that used during retro week at Facebook. I'm the bigger little hippie kid.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Got the Yuckies

We are sick. Yuck.

First Max, then me, then Sari, Bay is feeling a bit down. We've been sick too much this Winter.

Spring? Please, please be a pal and come early this year...... I'll be your best friend!

Do you think that could work?

Monday, January 18, 2010

Watch Kitty & I Got A Wake Up Call

Yesterday, I woke up after a long night of rain. The flower beds right outside my bedroom window were totally flooded. No birds for Kitty to see - she takes her bird watching very seriously, as you can see by her intense gaze and posture here. My bed is right under the window, so if Kitty thinks I've slept too long, she tries to pull the blind up on her own. So, I open it a bit and she lets me pet her for a few minutes, but only if I pet her on the back half of her back. Get near her face and she nips at you.
Last night, Max was sick and Kitty was like his watch-cat. She would meow if he choked and call me in to his room. When I got there, she'd be pacing on the floor, near the foot of his bed. She's never done that before. She must have sensed something. Smart girl. I had to suction him quite a few times, poor kid. Sarah slept through it all.

This weekend, today being the last day of it, was a weird weekend. I woke on Friday with an idea of how I'd like to see my life play out, I had a plan and I really wanted to figure out how to make it work. I wanted to compromise and be open to possibilities. I was pretty excited, because I thought hey, this could work! By Sunday, that idea was completely gone.
**I edited a big portion out of this post. The point is I'm going to do things differently from now on.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Pictures of Self

I picked up a new helmet for Sarah today. I told her that since she was getting the helmet, she was going to have to take a ride with me. She was outraged at first, but eventually she followed me outside. She made it around (3/10 of a mile each lap) 4 times to my 10. She kept stopping to pull up her pants or adjust her belt. I planned ahead. I wore a big t-shirt that used to belong to my brother-in-law Matt, so I was covered.

I get so goal-oriented when I ride or walk or run. I have to have something to work toward. I had already worked out earlier, so I thought, hmm, 3 miles is fine. Nice and short. I can ride it in my flip flops. (Yes, I was wearing flip flops. It was so warm out there).

Another thing that I thought about while on my bike - it's my favorite thinking spot - I watch a lot of TV, but not too much TV. I spend plenty of time on other pursuits, so if I have a conversation like the following exchange, I won't freak:

Bailey: Mom, what day is it?
Me: Well, Tony Dinozzo was on last night, so it's Wednesday.

My first thought was that I should not tell the days of the week by my TV boyfriends, but whatever. It's harmless. At least I knew what day it was.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Morning Mammogram

I spent the morning with Mom. First, she got a mammogram, while I waited in the lobby, then she brought me back with her so that she could get an ultrasound. I'm happy to say that both tests were clear. No mass.

The tests were scheduled because both Mom and her doctor found a questionable lump in her right breast. I was scared. She called me last night, told me about the appointment and said, no, she did not need me to go with her. I thought about it and figured yes, she did, but she didn't feel comfortable saying that. So, I got up, got the kids off to school and went to meet her.

While I was there, ladies came in and ladies left. They walked in looking drawn and stressed, faces pale and tight. One woman had her husband with her. Her hair was wet when we got there, her hair was still wet when she left. The process of getting a mammogram apparently does not take very long.

I haven't had a mammogram yet. I am 43 and I need to get one. Both my grandma and my great grandma had breast cancer. Mom kept saying, "In our family, the women get it later in life." My mom is 64. She's nearing that "later in life," part of her life. I suspect that she's like me and a portion of her thoughts will always belong to a 20-something girl, part will never accept things like the passage of time and the accumulation of quite a few years.

I took part in the Facebook bra color meme. I read afterward that some people were offended or repulsed or felt that it was without any sort of merit or purpose. I call BS. If it reminds one woman to do her self check and she then finds something that needs to be taken care of, then how can it be pointless? I did the first self-check that I've done in way too long after posting my update of "black." It's not about the bra be it black, white, or nude. It's not about sharing some titillating secret, (ooh, lingerie!). It's about what is in the bra, the tissue, the glands, the body of the woman and her continuing good health.

People confuse me. I'm not 100% right on target, but my intentions are good. I expect other people to be the same way, I assume they are good (which means I make an ass out of you and me, as the saying goes). That may mean I'm gullible, but I've got to believe that people are open-minded and open-hearted. I have to.

I know some people who keep constant score and baby, that's only going to hurt you in the long run. Let it go. Let life flow and remember that the good stuff is made up of what is truly important; health, happiness, love, and hope. Stop looking for the negative. If you look hard enough, examine deep enough, you'll talk yourself into seeing it everywhere.

Today is good. Especially after a piece of pumpkin loaf and a clean bill of health.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Tired and Fighting a Cold

I had a hard time getting up this morning. I can feel a cold trying to catch me and that made it hard to sleep. Plus, my neighbor was screaming last night. Sometimes she sounds so mad. It makes me sad, because she seems like a good person and I worry about her little boy.

I used to worry that she was getting hurt, but it's never anything like "No!" or "You are hurting me!" It's more like she's really, really upset. I saw her today and she wouldn't make eye contact with me. I wonder if she's embarrassed?

I hope it's quiet tonight. We could probably both use the rest.

Friday, January 8, 2010

The End of A Long Day 365:8

Long, long day. I'm exhausted and my stomach is upset. I can't wait to get into bed with my book.

Bailey and I spent about 3 hours at the Dr. She has bronchitis. Poor kid. Her temperature was 104 and it hurt when she breathed, so she was given a pain shot. When a kid will voluntarily accept a shot, you know they feel horrible.

Basketball officially starts tomorrow. I sure hope I'm better in the morning.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

365:7 Sarah's Light

These beads hang from Sarah's bedroom light. They are a sort of chandelier thing that say, "Bratz" on them - well on some of them. I picked them for my 365 Project because.....

*I forgot to shot something else and it was dark outside and......
*I spent a part of my day clearing crap out of her room.
*They were a part of her room that is clean.

Sarah is a packrat. She wants to keep everything. Everything. I'm talking about little ripped pieces of paper and broken toys. This morning I had one of my your-room-makes-me-crazy freak outs and by mid-afternoon I carted two huge bags of stuff out of her room. Unfortunately one of the things that I threw away - a ripped and broken backpack - also held her iPod. (Where else would you keep it, right??)

I made her climb into the dumpster to get it. Yuck. I'm horrible. The dumpster was actually empty except for our things. Lucky. But yucky anyway. I will never forget how it smelled so strongly of parmesan cheese. I made her take her shoes off before going in the house, then she had to strip at the washer. Straight to the shower with you, kid!!

I thought she'd get it and actually get to work on her room, but instead she is listening to her (rescued) iPod and reading. I would close the door on it and be done, but Max lives in there, too, and I worry that she's got mold growing in there or maybe huge spiders.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Now Wednesday, On Wednesday

Here's photo 365:6. It's one of my Christmas presents from Mom. When light shines through it, you see pretty prisms. I need to find the perfect spot to hang it.

My shoulder is a mess today. About 4 minutes ago I remembered a way to fix it. I apply pressure to this spot below the shoulder and it releases a lot of the tightness (I've got a knot). I'm not about 50% better. Not bad. I'll take it.

I cannot wait to go to bed tonight.

Making Up For Tuesday On Wednesday.

The above goldfish, Goldie, has been a member of my family for 6 years. That's a long life for a goldfish. He thinks that he's a puppy - wags his tail when he wants me to feed him. It's adorable.

Just now, I looked at his tank and he's watching me. I'm everybody's mommy around here. Hey fish, take a picture it lasts longer! (Proof above). What a cutie, that Goldie is.

The photo below is my 5th 365 Project photo. Met the school bus with a camera. I like the big mirror - it makes the front of the bus look funny. Whoosh..... doesn't the photo look like it should have a "whoosh" sound effect?

I'm off to work now. That means, I'm closing this window and opening another one. My neck and shoulder are a mess today. Very annoying and painful. Dang. Oh well. I must (sore) shoulder on.......

Monday, January 4, 2010

Something Went Wrong Along the Way

Max is my 365 Project photo of the day. I took this of him when he was watching his little sister practicing. Sarah plays basketball and today we worked on free throws. I'd like to help her, but I don't know what I'm doing.

The day started out great, but this afternoon I started feeling stuck and pissed off. I couldn't find the needle for the ball pump, after I bought new needles, and it pretty much went from there. Tonight, Bay wants me to pick her boyfriend up and she's had her friend, Alex, here all afternoon. I don't want spare teenagers around tonight. We were going to do game night, but it's no good if it's forced. I feel like going GGGGGRRRRRRR!!!

Sometimes it's big things that turn a day sour, but sometimes it's nothing big or specific, just a general blah, "is this all there is?" type of feeling. I try very hard to have a good attitude, but I'm not perfect, that's for sure.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Head and Heart

Today I was driving along, mid-errand, when one of John Mayer's new songs, called The Edge of Desire came on. I am a big John Mayer fan. I even have him as one of my Twitter contacts. (Is that weird?) Sometimes he will Tweet the dorkiest things and I end up shaking my head, because he sounds like such a douche. Still, I am a fan. I'm not perfect, so I do not expect perfection from the people whose work I admire either. I can be a douche myself and my jokes are frequently inappropriate. (Ask Bay, she'll back me up there).

Anyway....I'm driving along and I hear the words, "I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe..." Yeah. I've been feeling that way lately. That darn John, the non-douche-y one, he really speaks my mind much better than I can at times. Another one..."When you're dreaming with a broken heart, then waking up is the hardest part, You roll outta bed and down on your knees, And for a moment you can hardly believe..." (John and I, a bit on the drama queen side. Could you tell?)

Sometimes I think with my head and sometimes I think with my heart. Head is smarter, but Heart finds it impossible to let go and damn, that Heart has a grip you would not believe. It's an epic struggle. Heart keeps saying, wait a minute, this is what I need. Head tries to explain, honey, don't you remember how much that hurt before? (That Head, always tries to be gentle with Heart, even when Heart's behavior is frustrating).

Head is leading right now, in charge temporarily, but Heart isn't worried. Heart is waiting quietly, because as I explained before, that grip is strong and not going to loosen any time soon (or ever). Even Head knows we'll get it right one day. Head is no idiot. Heart is wise in her own way. Just wait it out.<.p>

Yep, I agree with you, Reader. It's possible that I've lost my mind. I think I need chocolate.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

I Need A Hug 365:2

Here's my second photo for the Shutter Sisters 365 Project. I'm calling it I need a hug, because it looks like the flowers are loving each other.

I Am A Mom First

I had a great evening with my kids last night. We watched movies and laughed. At bed time it occurred to me that I've been wrong-headed about my life lately. I've been focusing on things that don't matter. Somehow I got off-track.

On New Years eve, I was having so much fun with Mom and Sarah. We were laughing and drinking a couple of champagne cocktails (Sarah skipped those, of course) when a friend called and said something about the time and I was way off. I hadn't paid attention to the clock - I was in the minute, not watching the passage of it. He called me a dumb ass and I was both embarrassed and confused by this, although at the time I laughed. What else could I do? Was he joking? I'm not good with that sort of thing any more. I have trouble making the distinction between harmless and mean.

This is the sort of thing that I don't want to focus on anymore. And if you are reading this and you are thinking, well she's written this very poorly or she's got some detail wrong, then you are probably right, so you can hold on to that. I know it's important to some people to be right no matter what. I'm going to be wrong or mistaken and not worry about winning arguments. I don't enjoy arguing anyway.

I want to live my life with the people that I can trust and count on. If you don't like me, move on. I am not everybody's cup of tea.

From here on, it's back to being Mom-first. I believe that a man sees himself in relation to his job and a woman sees herself in relation to her home. I want to make my home and my family's home life rich with love and joy.

I believe that by living a life that I can be proud of, by doing my jobs and respecting myself and those that I care about, the rest will fall into place. I will walk the talk, I will do my best to be a good person, someone that my children look up to.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Over the Rainbow

Eek, I almost forgot to post today. We've been so lazy around our house. Watching the Food Network, watching movies, still wearing our pjs. I hope you are enjoying your new year so far.

Below is my first entry in the Shutter Sisters 365 Project at Flickr. Cheers!