Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Boy Crazy To the End

My weekend trip has been postponed until next weekend. I'm disappointed, but trying to look on the bright side. For example, that means I have one more week of exercise before I see my friend. (I somehow lost 3 more lbs while my family was here for the reunion. How did I do that??).  And we are both kind of broke this week. Also, I have friends arriving from out of town on the day that I was set to return.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm really disappointed.

He asked for a  photo of Robin and me this weekend and then sent us one back. It was a photo from when he was a kid. He was a cute kid, but I told him that I like the man-version better. Another friend, she said she preferred the 15 year old version. What the heck?? Why?... Anyway, Leah explained the appeal of a man over a boy last night. She cited "scruff," graying hair,  and overall manliness as the main reasons. I am in complete agreement. I like men ripe and full and a little gray (or a lot) and that scruff, it doesn't get much better than that. I'd make a very poor cougar since I have no interest in a man who is younger than 37.

Does it seem like I talk about men a lot on here? My sister mentioned that I've always been that way. I blame my mom. I guess I've just followed her lead from the beginning. Boy-crazy until the end.

And tired. I haven't run yet today. I usually run at 10am, while a rerun of Supernatural on the TV (again with the boy crazy - I have a big crush on the Dean character), but I was with Bay at the Dr at that time today. I have the hardest time sleeping at night lately. I feel like my mind is racing with thoughts. Weird feeling. Perhaps too much caffeine?

I think I'll work on that run now. Happy day to you!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

A Family Reunion

I'm in the midst of an extended family reunion. I don't know if I've made this clear before, but I LOVE family and I LOVE family time. I have 6 nieces and nephews and anytime I can be with all of them at once, it's corny, I know, but it's truly bliss for me. They are all so cute and sweet in their individual ways. This Summer I get to spend time with an extra cute and sweet kid - my cousin Tristan. He's here with his mom, also my cousin, Teri, and our Grandma Artie.

Tristan and the kids are really hitting it off. Sarah loves hanging out with him - they enjoy a lot of the same things and she's enjoying getting to know someone who shares those interests (for example Greek Gods, she loves that stuff).

I've been taking some photos and not getting a whole lot of work done, but we've been eating pretty well. My brother made 3 differently marinated smoked tri tips last night. I can begin to explain how incredible they were. I have got to get a smoker.

In other news, I have a weekend trip planned. Next weekend I am going to see a man. Out of town. Without my kids. A grown up getaway. Yeah, I'm shocked, too.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Strike 3, He's Out!!

April 20, 2010: San Francisco Giants second baseman Mark DeRosa in action during the game between the San Francisco Giants and the St. Louis Cardinals at AT&T Park in San Francisco CA. The Cardinals won the game 2-0.  Damon Tarver/Cal Sport Media.

I've been talking to one of my girlfriends about dating recently. Well, to be honest, it's an ongoing conversation that has been in constant rotation for a few years now.

She told me that in her current situation it's time to "play hard ball."

I like a good sports metaphor. I've decided that baseball is the way to go and I've adopted a Three Strikes, He's Out policy. This is an important idea for me to embrace, because in the past I've put up with way too many strikes, way too much really bad behavior. At a certain point a woman has to decide that there are certain standards of behavior that she will and will not accept. Enough is enough. There's always another guy out there and he can be worked into that batting rotation whenever a free spot opens up.

Here is an example. I was talking to a guy that I will call "P" the other day. P seemed to be a nice guy. I met him through an online dating place and he said he had a place in the country, he was a single dad (I like to date single dads), he was looking for a drama-free relationship, and he was tall. (I do like tall). The first time I spoke to him he was nice and friendly, it was an easy-going conversation. The second and third times I talked to him, I found out the following:

*He has no job and while I understand the economy is bad, his situation is a little different - he lost his license to sell insurance due to a legal matter.

*He lives in the country, but it's in his mom's BARN.

*He used a variety of what many people would consider vulgar words to describe his son's recent sexting mishap. (Why did he feel I needed to know this?)

*He lost that insurance license because he kicked a kid and he insists that the kid deserved it.

*He told me this story about how he broke a water balloon over a woman's head. She was angry and the woman he dated was angry and he just did not get it. He said women worry too much about makeup and hairdos. Plus, he "broke" the balloon over her head, he did not throw it at her. (What the heck??)

Okay, that's a whole lot of strikes. Game over, Mr. P.

In another example, I have been talking to an old friend (really old friend, I knew him back when I was 13 and he was 11) and we are exploring the idea of some sort of something happening between us. Now in this situation, I'm going to relax the rules a little bit. If he hits the third strike, then the some-sort-of-something idea is out, but 30 years is a long time to be friends - I'm not giving up that friendship. Currently he is at strike 2. I'm not mad, but I am not messing around. I am not going to tolerate inconsiderate behavior, no matter how cute and charming he is. (He is both very cute and very charming, damn him).
When you are in a committed relationship, then you can be patient and forgiving. You can relax your strike rules, but in the beginning of any relationship, people are on their best behavior. If that behavior includes blowing you off for a planned date (be it on the phone or in person) or kicking kids, well there's NO good excuse for that. Steee-RIKE!

Plus, I have a coffee date on Monday with a completely new man. I suspect that leads to a boost of confidence in my game.

SF Giants Image credit:

Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's Easier When the Kids Sleep In

I'm so drowsy today. I think I'm on a happiness hangover from all that Up, Up, Up, I was experiencing yesterday. I'm not complaining, I love a Good Day.

I've been working on getting photos up at my photography website and the Facebook page for the business. It takes awhile, because I have to go between two computers. If I bump my old computer, it goes all wonky, because a driver is broken. I sure wish I could get that system fixed at some point. I love that machine. My old computer holds almost 4 years of photos and there are a TON of them. I'd like to find some unedited versions of some of my favorites so that when I get my photoshop, I can edit them properly. For example, I always kind of liked this one.

And this one.  Neither look anything like the jpg that I started with.

Oh! Sounds like my kids are finally waking up. They've slept until after 11am, so I've got all my work done for the day. Max is home from Summer school today with the barfs. Poor kid.

I wish you a wonderful day!! 

Senior Picture Season Is Now Open

I had a great day. I felt happy. No fighting with my kids, no kids fighting with each other. And I got to shoot David's Senior Portraits. So much fun!

We walked around the CSUC campus looking for good spots and there were a lot of them. It's a beautiful campus.

Then, we visited some of the local spots in downtown Chico like the Diamond Alley, I think that's what it's called. They have these structures at either end - I shot the kids there last weekend - and they are covered with these mosiac tiles. Beautiful.

Then we went just beyond downtown to the top of Bidwell Park, where we visited a bridge and a tunnel that runs under the road. The tunnel is tiled with tiles decorated with bugs and birds. It's new. Chico is really a pretty cool little art town.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Bring Back the Old Bold Me

You know that saying about how life is like a rollercoaster ride?   It's kind of corny, but so very true. Sometimes I look back and think, wow, if I knew a year ago that I'd be standing in this spot or doing this or thinking that...... It's always a surprise. Up and down, shooting around on the edge of a tight corner, flipping upside down, .......

For much of my adult life I've hoped for the peaceful, boring times. I talked myself into thinking that was The Good Stuff, but really it's more like The Safe Stuff. Sometimes it's good to take a chance, to jump without thinking too much. I analyze things too much, over-thinking is my hobbie of choice. Ack. I'm tired of that. Where does it get me?  Safe and only Good-ish. I get periodic sparks of glimmer. What I'd really like a sky full of glimmer - shooting stars, the works.

I used to be so bold, I jumped without much thought. Becoming a parent changed that, although I've jumped a bit with kids alongside me, as well (moving to Chico from Yreka, is an example). When you've got the responsiblity of other humans on your shoulders, you have to decide what is best for everybody. What is good for the group, doesn't not always translate to what is best for the individual. Compromise. Then, somehow compromise leads to a lot of  "no" answers. Can I do this? No? Can I do that? No. Can you see yourself making this change? Oh, hell no.

When I was involved with my last ex, I was bothered by the amount of time we argued. It made me feel physically ill. My previous relationship had contained little to no fighting (I think we had 4 arguments in a year and a half) and I thought that relationship was healthy. It turns out that it was just a case of me stuffing crap down and closing my eyes to any little glimpse of the truth. The opposite of good health.

After the second one, the fighting-beau, I learned to stand up for myself again. It came about later, after we were broken up, but still friends (he will always be my friend - he is infinitely lovable). He said something that I felt was mean and I said, if you continue to talk to me like that, I cannot be your friend. And you know what? He stopped  talking to me in that way and I'm pretty sure that I remember an apology somewhere in there.

When we were together, my way of interacting with him angered him. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong.  He was frustrated with how I was communicating, felt that I was acting like a "victim" and he felt that it wasn't fair. And there's some truth in that. Playing the victim is just another weapon - my intentions are good, if someone is wrong, it has to be you. I'm not always right and I don't want to play the victim.

I've decided to be more direct in the things that I want and the way I want to live my life. It's going to be a work in progress thing. I will not morph back into the old bold me overnight, but I do have some ideas that I'd like to jump into.  I'm going to let go of my fear of failure, because that's what much of it is. So I fail. Big deal. I move on or I try another way - I figure out how to get where I need to go regardless.

I feel like my 40s have are my Renaissance period. My motto is going to be, "Go big....or go bigger."  Going home is not an option,..... well until it's time to actually go home. :)

Monday, June 14, 2010

Wanna Join My Group?

I'm watching The Bachelorette with my sister, Robin.  We watch and text. Some of the boys on the show are charming and cute, while others are rather odd and awkward. I worry that they don't really screen them well. One is bordering on stalker tonight. Is it an act?  Has he never dated a girl before?  Doesn't he recognize the look of discomfort on her face? 

I would never ever be on a reality show. I'm a big doof. People would sit at home and critique my awkwardness, while at home my kids would die of embarrassment, the kids at school never letting them hear the end of how dorky their mom is. Tonight Sarah asked if I'd like to go on the show. I said, "Oh, no. I would never want to be away from you kids." She said, "Oh well he'd probably send you home right away."  Ha! Funny kid.

I started a Facebook group for my photography business. If you'd like to check it out, it's here

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Bliss at the Beach

How is your Summer going so far? Lots of fun around here. Max started Summer school, the weather has warmed up a bit, although still oddly cool for this time of year.

My sister's kids have been visiting this week. We are at the tale end of their visit - my sister arrives tomorrow and they are heading home at 5am on Sunday.

While they were here we did some really fun things - creek floating (my favorite), a visit to the National Yoyo Museum, a visit to the Bee and Honey exhibit at the local Chico Museum (not sure official name), a picnic at Wildwood Park, a walk through the California State University Chico campus, and lots and lots of time at the pool. Tonight the kids went with Grandma and Aunt Shawna to the Observatory.

When the kids are here, I usually get to see my brother's kids, too. The other day, I sat at the creek, surrounded by little people that I love. It was truly a moment of bliss. :)

Friday, June 4, 2010

My Baby's Baby

Quick update........Bay's appointment went well. The baby is measuring at about 9.2 weeks. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat, then we got to see it "dance" during an ultrasound. It was so wiggle-y.

I cried during the entire heartbeat experience. My grandchild. It's huge, just huge, to me. The timing on this is not the best, it would be wonderful if the kids were older, established, had some security of their own, but Bay wasn't planning on having any children, so this is a miracle in a way. She's scared, but so excited, too.

Look at her face below, she's holding her two ultrasound photos. She looks absolutely joyful.

And one more, because it's so cute.............

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Happy National Running Day!

Happy National Running Day to you!! 

I just finished my second run after a forced two week break. I could not run until I could breathe without wheezing. I think I'm just about completely back. Yay!  It feels very good to be getting back on track.

Also, I want to mention that I am going to be a Grandma. My daughter, Bailey, is pregnant - due at the end of the year. I'll write more about this when I know more. She has her first Dr's appointment tomorrow.

And lastly........I have a date tonight. :)