This morning I woke up, watched Jamie Oliver (I hate to miss Jamie, he's my cooking boyfriend) on the Food Network, then grabbed my girl, Sarah, and headed downtown to the Farmer's Market.
I usually go straight for the Meyer Lemons and Blood Oranges, but we got there too late and there wasn't much of anything left at that stand. S made Mom and I these drinks with the juice of the lemons and oranges, sugar, and vodka a couple of months ago. They were so good. He is very good with food. I miss cooking with him. Sarah and I picked up the last bag of Mandarins and the last Meyer Lemon.
After the citrus, we went to the honey stand. I picked out some alfalfa honey. It is much darker than the clover honey that I usually get and when I used it on my fruit salad at lunch, I noticed that it has a stronger flavor. Sarah likes honey sticks, so we got some of those, along with some beeswax candles. They smell great when they are lit. The honey bears looked cute, all lined up - they looked like a little army.
The flowers were beautiful. You can tell by the the large variety of flowers that we've been enjoying some great weather. I wanted to buy a bouquet, but I was saving my money for my favorite part of the market.
The tamales!! The girls and I love tamale breakfast. They are wonderful.
Sarah's favorite part is the stone booth. She picks three stones for $1 every visit. She has always been a big collector - snow globes, Halloween pumpkin decorations, and stones are just a few of her collections.
There was a booth full of furniture made out of sticks, not sure what kind of sticks, but I really liked this star that hung from a tree above the booth. Stars are something that I like to collect. I'd like to make something like this to hang on my patio.
Yesterday I heard from S. He sent me a message, then a couple of emails, and in the evening he called. I don't know what changed, what made him call. It was good to talk to him, but I don't know what he wants. He doesn't sound like he knows either. He said that he loves me and he misses me, pretty much chatted as if nothing had happened, as if we had not gone for more than 3 weeks without speaking. He had his youngest kids with him and he made his little boy laugh for me - I think he knew that was a good way to get to me, I love kids. This morning I found pictures of the kids in my email - I requested more recent ones last night and I appreciated that he remembered.
I'm going to take this one day at a time and see what happens. I can't let my ego get in the way, but I don't want to be treated poorly. I strongly believe that if he was not in such a rough batch we would have gone merrily along and we'd be in a different situation right now. Life is not always what you expect it is going to be and if this is important to me, I need to wait it out. I have a lot of security right now - my life is easy and structured and I've got things under control. I get to live without the turmoil and I can't expect him to react as I would when we are living such different lives. I need to let go a bit if our relationship is going to work out.
I think that the best thing to do right now is to focus on the things that I can control. I signed up the Wildflower this afternoon. I am officially committed to riding 30 miles a week from tomorrow. I rode my fastest ride today - a full 4 miles per hour faster than I usually do. An hour into it, I was feeling pretty darn proud of myself when a man whizzed by me in the bike lane, passing so quickly it was like I wasn't even moving. He had the longest legs and he didn't appear to be pushing himself at all. It was impressive to watch.
If I let my life play out, it's going to be fine.