Sunday, June 20, 2010
Strike 3, He's Out!!
I've been talking to one of my girlfriends about dating recently. Well, to be honest, it's an ongoing conversation that has been in constant rotation for a few years now.
She told me that in her current situation it's time to "play hard ball."
I like a good sports metaphor. I've decided that baseball is the way to go and I've adopted a Three Strikes, He's Out policy. This is an important idea for me to embrace, because in the past I've put up with way too many strikes, way too much really bad behavior. At a certain point a woman has to decide that there are certain standards of behavior that she will and will not accept. Enough is enough. There's always another guy out there and he can be worked into that batting rotation whenever a free spot opens up.
Here is an example. I was talking to a guy that I will call "P" the other day. P seemed to be a nice guy. I met him through an online dating place and he said he had a place in the country, he was a single dad (I like to date single dads), he was looking for a drama-free relationship, and he was tall. (I do like tall). The first time I spoke to him he was nice and friendly, it was an easy-going conversation. The second and third times I talked to him, I found out the following:
*He has no job and while I understand the economy is bad, his situation is a little different - he lost his license to sell insurance due to a legal matter.
*He lives in the country, but it's in his mom's BARN.
*He used a variety of what many people would consider vulgar words to describe his son's recent sexting mishap. (Why did he feel I needed to know this?)
*He lost that insurance license because he kicked a kid and he insists that the kid deserved it.
*He told me this story about how he broke a water balloon over a woman's head. She was angry and the woman he dated was angry and he just did not get it. He said women worry too much about makeup and hairdos. Plus, he "broke" the balloon over her head, he did not throw it at her. (What the heck??)
Okay, that's a whole lot of strikes. Game over, Mr. P.
In another example, I have been talking to an old friend (really old friend, I knew him back when I was 13 and he was 11) and we are exploring the idea of some sort of something happening between us. Now in this situation, I'm going to relax the rules a little bit. If he hits the third strike, then the some-sort-of-something idea is out, but 30 years is a long time to be friends - I'm not giving up that friendship. Currently he is at strike 2. I'm not mad, but I am not messing around. I am not going to tolerate inconsiderate behavior, no matter how cute and charming he is. (He is both very cute and very charming, damn him).
When you are in a committed relationship, then you can be patient and forgiving. You can relax your strike rules, but in the beginning of any relationship, people are on their best behavior. If that behavior includes blowing you off for a planned date (be it on the phone or in person) or kicking kids, well there's NO good excuse for that. Steee-RIKE!
Plus, I have a coffee date on Monday with a completely new man. I suspect that leads to a boost of confidence in my game.
SF Giants Image credit: Picapp.com