Their Rules and My Rules

Have I mentioned that my friend and I have been reading The Rules?  Well, we have. I've finished Book 1, barely started Book 2. Here's what I think.....

They make it too complicated. There are too many rules. No one can keep that going forever.... and they do recommend doing it forever.

I've come up with my own Rules:

*Be myself - I can only play by any sort of Rules for a short length of time. In the end, I'm going to be me. I don't know how to be anyone else.

*Don't be too available, because as silly as it sounds, men do enjoy a bit of a chase. They are hunters deep down.  Men accuse women of being complicated, but they are pretty complicated themselves. They want to have to work for you. If you are too easy to "get" then you don't appear valuable enough or some such nonsense. Whatever. It's easy, don't look like you are waiting around for them to call/text/visit.

*Live a full life. Have lots of friends, interests, work, fun, whatever. Don't make your life all about any man. That's too much responsibility for any person and it will only lead to disappointment.

Isn't that an easy set of rules?  It boils down to value yourself and others will value you, as well.

Another thing,....I have a friend who keeps saying he's too emotional and I have a female friend who says she gives too many chances to people. These are not failings. They show a strong heart, not a weak one. I have struggled with the same sort of thoughts, felt that I was somehow "wrong" in some way. I'm not wrong. He's not wrong. She's not wrong.

You can't change who you are, but you can change the way you will allow yourself to be treated (like my new 3 Strikes rule).  I strongly believe that the main reason my male friend is unique, the reason that people are drawn to him, is directly related to how emotional he is, how much he loves or hurts or feels. Sure some people aren't going to like it, but that's fine - not everybody has to get you. Same with my female friend and me. Not everybody is going to mesh with our personality, but that's fine.

Okay, time to get busy. I wish you a wonderful day.

Strike 3, He's Out!!

I've been talking to one of my girlfriends about dating recently. Well, to be honest, it's an ongoing conversation that has been in constant rotation for a few years now.

She told me that in her current situation it's time to "play hard ball."

I like a good sports metaphor. I've decided that baseball is the way to go and I've adopted a Three Strikes, He's Out policy. This is an important idea for me to embrace, because in the past I've put up with way too many strikes, way too much really bad behavior. At a certain point a woman has to decide that there are certain standards of behavior that she will and will not accept. Enough is enough. There's always another guy out there and he can be worked into that batting rotation whenever a free spot opens up.

Here is an example. I was talking to a guy that I will call "P" the other day. P seemed to be a nice guy. I met him through an online dating place and he said he had a place in the country, he was a single dad (I like to date single dads), he was looking for a drama-free relationship, and he was tall. (I do like tall). The first time I spoke to him he was nice and friendly, it was an easy-going conversation. The second and third times I talked to him, I found out the following:

*He has no job and while I understand the economy is bad, his situation is a little different - he lost his license to sell insurance due to a legal matter.

*He lives in the country, but it's in his mom's BARN.

*He used a variety of what many people would consider vulgar words to describe his son's recent sexting mishap. (Why did he feel I needed to know this?)

*He lost that insurance license because he kicked a kid and he insists that the kid deserved it.

*He told me this story about how he broke a water balloon over a woman's head. She was angry and the woman he dated was angry and he just did not get it. He said women worry too much about makeup and hairdos. Plus, he "broke" the balloon over her head, he did not throw it at her. (What the heck??)

Okay, that's a whole lot of strikes. Game over, Mr. P.

In another example, I have been talking to an old friend (really old friend, I knew him back when I was 13 and he was 11) and we are exploring the idea of some sort of something happening between us. Now in this situation, I'm going to relax the rules a little bit. If he hits the third strike, then the some-sort-of-something idea is out, but 30 years is a long time to be friends - I'm not giving up that friendship. Currently he is at strike 2. I'm not mad, but I am not messing around. I am not going to tolerate inconsiderate behavior, no matter how cute and charming he is. (He is both very cute and very charming, damn him).
When you are in a committed relationship, then you can be patient and forgiving. You can relax your strike rules, but in the beginning of any relationship, people are on their best behavior. If that behavior includes blowing you off for a planned date (be it on the phone or in person) or kicking kids, well there's NO good excuse for that. Steee-RIKE!

Plus, I have a coffee date on Monday with a completely new man. I suspect that leads to a boost of confidence in my game.

SF Giants Image credit: Picapp.com

Happy National Running Day!

Happy National Running Day to you!! 

I just finished my second run after a forced two week break. I could not run until I could breathe without wheezing. I think I'm just about completely back. Yay!  It feels very good to be getting back on track.

Also, I want to mention that I am going to be a Grandma. My daughter, Bailey, is pregnant - due at the end of the year. I'll write more about this when I know more. She has her first Dr's appointment tomorrow.

And lastly........I have a date tonight. :)

Dating Is Tough But It's Easier Than War

I noticed this spider on the window, so I grabbed my camera and headed outside. By the time I go there, he was trying to escape, but I got him.

Leah came over today for a haircut and a movie. She brought Brothers. Have you seen Brothers? Very good, but exhausting. I kept thinking, this is not going to end well and when it finally did end, Leah said she had the same thought.

So many things happen in the world, horrible things, and I am happily oblivious, safe in my home. I am very grateful that there are people out there doing the hard stuff, facing down the horrible stuff, so that my family is able to be safe. Thank you.

I need to make this quick. I have a date tonight and no idea what to wear. Does anyone look forward to first dates? I was going to ask if they are just something that we have to endure, but that seems ridiculous after the paragraphs that I wrote above. It's just a first date. It is not a night in a war zone.