I had a great evening with my kids last night. We watched movies and laughed. At bed time it occurred to me that I've been wrong-headed about my life lately. I've been focusing on things that don't matter. Somehow I got off-track.
On New Years eve, I was having so much fun with Mom and Sarah. We were laughing and drinking a couple of champagne cocktails (Sarah skipped those, of course) when a friend called and said something about the time and I was way off. I hadn't paid attention to the clock - I was in the minute, not watching the passage of it. He called me a dumb ass and I was both embarrassed and confused by this, although at the time I laughed. What else could I do? Was he joking? I'm not good with that sort of thing any more. I have trouble making the distinction between harmless and mean.
This is the sort of thing that I don't want to focus on anymore. And if you are reading this and you are thinking, well she's written this very poorly or she's got some detail wrong, then you are probably right, so you can hold on to that. I know it's important to some people to be right no matter what. I'm going to be wrong or mistaken and not worry about winning arguments. I don't enjoy arguing anyway.
I want to live my life with the people that I can trust and count on. If you don't like me, move on. I am not everybody's cup of tea.
From here on, it's back to being Mom-first. I believe that a man sees himself in relation to his job and a woman sees herself in relation to her home. I want to make my home and my family's home life rich with love and joy.
I believe that by living a life that I can be proud of, by doing my jobs and respecting myself and those that I care about, the rest will fall into place. I will walk the talk, I will do my best to be a good person, someone that my children look up to.