Friday, October 1, 2010

It's Better When I Play Yahtzee

Hello. It's late - Friday is almost over.  Last week at this time I was busy packing and getting things ready for my trip. That's so much more exciting than sitting here thinking about how I can rest and clean my house this weekend. That doesn't involve either cute dogs, a charming man, or hot air ballons.  :/  I need to turn this around....I can also sleep in........ and get my camera out....... and cook, because I haven't been cooking much since I'm too darned tired. I will look on the bright side, because it's a weekend and I'm going to be free(ish) for two days. Very nice.

I spoke/imed with my cousin tonight. Prior to tonight, I think it's been about.........30 years since I spoke with her. No wait, more like 29. Still a lot. She has a daughter close to my age - both are my FB friends, but we don't interact a whole lot. She posts anti-tea party comments on FB which I enjoy a bit, since I'm assuming this means she is a fellow Liberal. I think that they are maybe 3 of us on Facebook.......okay, just kidding - I heard once that there are 12......... Anyway, she said that she likes my outlook and while I liked hearing/reading that, I couldn't help but feel guilty, as I always do when getting a compliment on an area of my life/self/whatever that I feel is a front.

I appear positive, because I want to be that way, so I fake it till I make it and sometimes, I guess, I fake it pretty well. My new-old boyfriend, he is a positive person - smiley and laughing and happy. He's facing something big, but he faces it with a good outlook. I really, really like that about him. (It's on the list, right below freckles).

I keep thinking things that have no place in my new life. Like this one, "I want my old life back."  It's not coming back. I can find a new version of a life that is sort of like that one, or a completely new one, but that one, it's over. It's taking me so long to stop thinking that. It annoys me that I hold onto that, but at the same time I think, well it hasn't even been 2 months yet, so maybe I'm doing better than I think.

And I have some new exciting things going on that I am happy about. They are a part of NOW. NOW is pretty good, although Bay isn't so crazy about it. She told me today that I am not the same person any more. I don't want to let her down, but I am so tired when I get home from work. I'm not as much fun as I used to be and I think she misses having me here during the day. I'll get used to the job and I'll be fun again. In fact, I'll be fun this weekend. I wonder if she'd like to play some games tomorrow night.......... I feel a string of Yahtzees coming on. :)

I'm wondering if I should avoid writing these when I'm tired. I have no idea if this made any sense..........

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