Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A Year To Get It Right

I have spent the past year trying to figure out who I am and where I belong. I know it sounds melodramatic (whooo am I???), but my life is very definitely divided into three parts - Before Max, During Max, and After Max. He needed me and that made me feel like there was a reason that I existed. I was here for Max. Not that the girls haven't needed me, but they have always had a certain amount of do-it-herself-ness. Max needed me to do for him, because he couldn't do for himself.

I love being home, living in Northern CA again,  I love being married to John, I enjoy certain aspects of my work life (love working outside, found that I enjoy and have a little talent *my boss's words* when it comes to merchandising), but I'm broke all the time. I haven't seen my brother or my sister and their families in over a year. My grandson doesn't know me, Bay is lost and I can't help her. I never see my two best friends or my mom. I feel cut off. (There goes the melodrama again).

I need to figure out a way to work ONE job and make ends meet. Making ends meet with just a little extra would be a dream come true. (Actually that is most likely the American Dream these days...) I need to get organized (my husband's biggest complaint, hey, organize yourself, kid!) and I need to reconnect with my family and friends. I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and figure out what I'm going to be. I need to make a list of my strengths and weaknesses, do some research about who actually makes money in my area, and get this thing done.

I give myself a year to get it right.