Wanna Join My Group?

I'm watching The Bachelorette with my sister, Robin.  We watch and text. Some of the boys on the show are charming and cute, while others are rather odd and awkward. I worry that they don't really screen them well. One is bordering on stalker tonight. Is it an act?  Has he never dated a girl before?  Doesn't he recognize the look of discomfort on her face? 

I would never ever be on a reality show. I'm a big doof. People would sit at home and critique my awkwardness, while at home my kids would die of embarrassment, the kids at school never letting them hear the end of how dorky their mom is. Tonight Sarah asked if I'd like to go on the show. I said, "Oh, no. I would never want to be away from you kids." She said, "Oh well he'd probably send you home right away."  Ha! Funny kid.

I started a Facebook group for my photography business. If you'd like to check it out, it's here. 

Bailey and Greg

Bay wanted me to take some pictures of her and her boyfriend, Greg, but by the time I was able to do that, I'd lost most of the light. We are going to try again tomorrow. Here's what I could get............ He always has a hat on. She got him this one for Christmas. At first she picked out another one and when it didn't fit (and he didn't like it), she cried. It was sad. It's hard to pick out present sometimes - a lot of presure.

The focus is really not good here, but I had a little light.

Greg has almost the same expression in every photo. I almost said that when I was looking at the shots in my camera, then I thought, hhmm, no don't say that - teenagers are so sensitive. Well, the female ones, maybe boys are tougher.

Sarah keeps doing these silly things. She stands up and does a sort of dance/pose thing and watches herself in the mirror over the couch. She really enjoys looking at herself. I'll say, "Sarah, I'm right here," when she's talks to me, but looks at herself in the mirror. If I was as cute as she is, I'd probably do the same thing. ;D

At school today a boy cut his knee so bad that I had to call the nurse out to the playground. He was having trouble walking, the cut was on his knee, and his sock was all bloody. He was making a lot of noise and it really drew a crowd. I kept saying, "Back up, please." And he'd cry harder, then they'd come back around, "What's wrong, what's wrong?" I checked on him at the end of my shift and he was still freaked out. I think that he was worried about getting it cleaned, more than anything else.

Yesterday, a little girl was looking like she was sick. When I asked what was wrong, she said, "My daddy was arrested last night." When I saw her today she said, "My daddy was on the news!" and she was excited. Yikes. Whatever he did was big enough to get on the news. Her dad is Logan's stepdad. I've mentioned Logan before, he's my favorite student at the school.

Another little girl, who lives by the first girl, told my friend Tammy (cafeteria lady) that she has not bedroom window and that she woke up with snow on her face during the Christmas break.

Sometimes my kids will complain. They don't know how good they've got it.

I'm going to be giving away some Cuties Mandarin Oranges at Veggie Chic soon. Cuties are so darn good. I will let you know before the giveaway starts - they will be 10 winners.

Carnival-y Post

I started to post this last night, but I lost my connection and gave up. I have a few of the carnival pictures ready. We were there for about an hour and in that time, the amount of people in attendance probably doubled. It's a fun even that the PTA puts on and the classes take part, setting up booths for things like a fishing game, a golf game, a lot of throw the ball, sponge, etc, at the target/hoop games.

Sarah was most excited about the sponge throwing. Her Grandma took her to the carnival back in kindergarten and they always laugh about the way she nailed Mr. Preston, the 6th grade teacher, in the face with a wet sponge. He's such a good sport. The kids all seem to love and respect him. Sarah acts like he's a rock star, there's Mr. Preston! there's Mr. Preston! One time, the day after school got out for the Summer in June, we happened to be waiting at a stoplight next to Mr. Preston. He motioned to Sarah to roll down her window and as we waited, he asked about her Summer plans. She was so thrilled. I think it's right up there with attending the Jonas Brother's concert in terms of exciting Summer events.

Here she is letting lose with the sponge.......... .......and here's Mr. Preston patiently waiting for the splat! He appears much braver than poor Spongebob.
One of the booths was a fingernail painting booth. Look at these cool 6th grade boys showing off their manicures. When I took the photo, I didn't realize that was what they were doing. Later, during editing, I noticed the colored fingernails. These boys make me smile. The one in the middle, he's The Boy this year. You can always find him in the middle of a crowd.
The kindergarten classes sold this honey. It's locally made and the labels are decorated by the students. I had some this weekend - put in in a vinaigrette, then I cleaned it off the spoon. Oh yum. I will definitely be hitting up the kindergarteners for some more. I love local honey.
Here's a sot of Sarah playing the basketball game. Her friends Carlo and Paolo are to the right. She's known Paolo for about 3 years and Carlo for 1. They are twins and they speak English, Korean, and French. This always impresses me. Paolo calls me Mrs. Smith, not Michelle - most kids call me Michelle or Miss Michelle or Playground Duty (to which I always reply, "call me Michelle"). He's one of those kids with a huge brain and incredibly good manners. I like that boy, but sometimes kids like him find it hard to fit with the rest of the group. Can you see me in this photo? I'm the shadow. :D

I'm in the beginning of what I'm afraid may turn into a spot of the blues. I'm trying very hard to avoid it, medicating with exercise, chocolate, and lots of cooking. I have some tough decisions to make about my personal life. I have tried reaching out to someone that I love many times - sometimes it works out, sometimes I'm hurt further. I'd prefer to avoid the hurt, but I can only control my behavior, not his. Sometimes people don't want to allow themselves to be happy and possibly that is what is going on and by trying to spare me that, I'm actually drawn further into the dark.

I try to live my life in a way that I can be proud of - sometimes I achieve that, sometimes I fail, but it's my intention always. I don't want to hold onto past hurts, or punish anyone. I want to keep an open mind and make decisions that will benefit all of us, not just myself. I keep thinking that this is The Right Way and if I do things The Right Way, my life will work out, that if I put good stuff out there, I will get good stuff back, which will then make me able to put even more good stuff out there........does this make sense?

I'm being petty with some of what is bothering me. I should just take care of my business and let things play out, but in all honesty I'm pissed right now. I've made what I need very clear and I've asked to be treated with respect and caring. That's what I have treated this person with and I should not have to talk someone into treating me well in the first place.

For now, I'm going to continue to do my work. I'm going to spend this week getting a photography business up and running. I have a photo that is going to be one of the prizes over at b5Media's Blogtoberfest. I'll post a link to it, when it's ready. We are also going to be hosting some prizes at Dating Dames. We start tomorrow, I think. I'll let you know.

Lastly, I have a bread recipe up over at A Cook's Bounty, if you are interested. It has a shortcut - begins in the bread machine, but then you bake it in the oven. Turned out pretty good.

Ruby Tuesday - Red BBQ

Here is my neighbor's red barbeque. They've been out neighbors for about 4 and a half years and they are moving to Washington state in a couple of weeks. :( We are really going to miss them. This barbeque looks like it used to belong to an old cowboy. See that horse shoe handle? Orion, he produces some great smelling bbq with this thing. I'm so curious about where it came from - one day it was just there. Where does someone find something like this? It's got to be heavy.
Here's a bonus red, the book that I'm reading New Moon, it's the second book in the Twilight series. That's Sarah's legs - we were sitting together on the patio.
The kids called me out to see this Praying Mantis. It had a very weathered look to it, unreal, as if made of old paper. The head kept swiveling, back and forth. When Taylor, the girl who is holding it, put her hand down by the bush it was sitting on, it hopped onto her finger. When Taylor was younger, she used to go out to the lawn in the evening, lay in the grass, and catch Dragonflies. This year, she's in the 6th grade. She doesn't spend as much time catching insects.
Out of all of Sarah's friends, she loves Taylor best. I'm not sure if it's because she's a little older or if it's because of the way she speaks. Is it because she's never met a video game that she can't master or that she practically flies to school on her scooter? Sarah is crushed that they are moving. I try to remind her that it's very exciting for the family. That they will love Washington and that Orion will have a great new job. Kids don't care about those things. All Sarah is thinking is that her friend will be gone and if she wants to talk to her, she's going to have to get on Runescape. Not quite the same as walking next door and knocking on the door.

Here's My Kitchen

Busy day today. Do you want to see what my kitchen looks like?

I did some rearranging around my place today. I now have a bar - not much of a drinker, but I think it's pretty. Hard to capture it well in a picture, the flash comes on and washes it a out, but you can kind of get the idea. My margarita glasses blend into the back ground. Can you see the purple martini shaker? I got that for my birthday from my sister, along with the tall glasses next to it. The shelf is meant for a microwave, but I've always felt that a microwave up high is dangerous for kids and Sarah's the one who uses it the most, for her cocoa and popcorn.
Here is another shot of the counter. I have two things from the girls up there. One is a jar of soup mix that Bay gave me and the other is a bottle that Sarah decoupaged - they are all the way to the left, on top of the stove. There's a little dog next to the kitchen witch, right there by the salt shaker. Sarah gave me the dog for.... Christmas or maybe my birthday. She loves dogs so much. Today she went through a stack of t-shirts, trying them on, and putting those that did not fit in a box of donation things that I was clearing out (like the dehydrator that I haven't used in 12 years). A lot of the t-shirts had dogs on them and she was so torn. She wanted to donate them, but they were dogs. I suggested saving some of the shorter shirts for sleeping in. No need to get rid of all her favorites.
This is where the microwave used to sit, right where the plate and the candle are now. Oops, don't look at the messy craft and hallway - I'll get to them tomorrow. It looks like somebody is hanging on Sarah's coat rack. Ooh, creepy. It's her hat and backpack, I think.
Here's a close-up of the girl's pictures. They both did the same art project, different years, with the same teacher. Her name is Mrs. S and she's been the art teacher at our school for as long as I've had a child there. She's a little lady and this year she doesn't have her own class, so she has to push all her art supplies around in this cart-unit. She needs, but this year we've got the budget thing and we've absorbed kids from a small school in the next town - we are packed in pretty tight. Sarah's boot is on the left and Bay's is on the right. I love these boots. Bay's has been hanging in my kitchen (the previous one and now this one for 4 years) since........ probably about 2000.
I'm tired. I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the carpet today, then I moved things around the kitchen, 3 shelving units, which formed my "pantry" areas. I moved the fridge and cleaned underneath, the coils, and the sides. I moved all my cookbooks from what is now the "bar." I've got a lot cookbooks- used to get them for free when I did book reviews and worked for the vegetarian magazine. I did a lot of laundry and took about 4 loads to either the garbage or the recycling. I vacumed and scrubbed and cleaned most of my glass candle holders. I talked to my friends and my daughter and my grandma and my daughter and my boyfriend and my daughter on the phone (tricky me - I even talked to Jackie while I bathed Max). My new partner taught me how to better set up my posts (using bolding) and what each thing on the post toolbox is for.

Tomorrow I tackle the craft area. I want to clear out the items that my kids don't use anymore and get them ready for Ashlee. She loves art and I think she will like to do some of the crafts. I have to clean my room, set up my new bookshelf (one of the old "pantry" shelves), change my sheets, and vacum, because Steve is coming tomorrow night. I'm going to remake Bay's bed, clean the guniea pig's cage, vacum, and tidy things up in her room before she gets home tomorrow.

I'm watching Kitchen Impossible with chef Michael Symon - I think that's how he spells it. He's a pretty hot chef - great voice, bald head, black shirt, my favorite kind of facial hair - the little bit under his lip, and a goofy laugh. I love a goofy laugh. One of the things that they are making is lobster and goat cheese pizza. He says a lot of words that I associate with Guy Fieri (again - sp??). He says "money" and "sexy" to describe his dishes. He's one of my favorites, behind first Jamie Oliver, then Bobbie Flay. What did I watch before cooking shows?

I love to cook with Steve when he's here. He's going to have more room to do his thing now that I've cleared the counters off. I love to watch him cook. And sleep. And interact with Sarah. And pretty much anything. He does this thing before he kisses me, he licks his lips and leans down and forward - he's a lot taller than me. For days I've been picturing him doing that. My head is full of him. I'm definitely ready for a good visit. We will get about 34 hours - he drives 12 hours to visit for that long (6 down here, 6 back up).

Goodnight.

Friday Dreaming of the Coast

My friend from next door just came over to tell me that her husband has accepted an offer for a job in Vancouver, Washington. I am very happy for them, but also kind of sad. We've lived next door to them for 4.5 years now and I really like the whole family. I really had to work to make friends with the son. He's a very smart kid, but I think he has a hard time talking to people. I had to win his respect and I did it with a game of Battleship - one of the only games that I excell at. The others - Chinese Checkers and no one can beat me at Twister. I'm freakishly bendy.

This Summer so many people moved away - some only across the street, but others I never see anymore. Sarah is not going to have anyone to hang out with close by. I hope that some new kids move in soon. Karlee, she is the one who moved across the street. Sarah loves to go by her house. They have a trampoline and she comes home with pink cheeks and damp hair. That's Karlee's fingers holding the leaf below. Sometimes she helps me with photos - holds flowers or a strawberry. She's a very good helper.

Sometimes Sarah comes home mad, because Karlee has chosen to play on the computer or a video game and not with her. The kids, they grow apart some as they get older. Growning up is a risky thing, lots of little and big hurts involved. I try to bandage what I can, cushion when possible, but very little of it has been easy for any of my kids. I respect their strength, the way they remain open, the way they aren't afraid to love even when hurt by people like their idiot father. This weekend, I plan to clean my place. I have had this plan to go through stuff, clear things out, for some time. I want it to look and feel soothing inside, wherever my eyes land. Some spots are nice. I like how clean this little table looks - I was messing around with my camera and light here.
This pink African Violet is usually next to the purple one. I've had it for about 12-13 years. It used to be in a bigger pot, but I knocked into it with my shoulder once, as I carried Max out to the living room. Ouch. The purple one, it's in a pot that I got when one of the kids was born. I think it was Sarah - has a little hummingbird on it.
Bay just called me from the beach. She rode down to Pismo with my mom, to meet and camp with my sister Robin's family. I could hear the waves and my niece, Trinity. I am wishing that I had gone. I love the beach and being with my family. Bay took this photo of Trin and I last Spring, just before Easter. That water was cold. This is the same swimsuit that I have probably a hundred photos of Trinity in. She's grown a lot since the Spring - it was so long and baggy back then.
Here she is waiting to jump over a wave. Jump! and then she laughs. That's what I could hear over Bay's phone. I wish I was there. I decided not to go because Sarah has a hard time with Robin's friend's kids and she ends up spending her time sitting with the friend's dogs. She asked me please, lets not do this again, so we aren't. If they go on their own sometime, we will go, but I'm not going to tell Robin who to spend her time with - they should camp the way they want to camp.
I wish I could pack Max and Sarah in the car and head to the coast here. It's only 3.5 hours over to Fort Bragg. Have you ever seen the Mendocino coast? It's jaw-droppingly beautiful in every direction. I love it there. Very dramatic with cliffs and big waves. The mist feels so good on your face and I love the way it smells.

Hey, If you are single, did you know that it's a free communication weekend over at eHarmony? Well, it is. I wrote about it www.datingdames.com, also wrote about help for bad kissers. Pretty unfortunate, that is. Luckily, my guy is a very good kisser. And I get to kiss him in just a few days. Looking forward to that.

Time to see to Max. Good evening/day to you.

A Walk Around the Neighborhood

It's hot here, in Chico, California. I took these photos outside on my patio and around my apartments. It's 105 F. Ouch. Hot. It's been so hot at school, that the kids hang out anywhere they can find shade - along the edges of the building, under the trees out in the field - and I keep my spray bottle filled with water. Their faces get red and I don't want anyone getting sick from the heat.

There are a ton of spider webs on my patio. I tried to capture them, but they aren't easy to see in this light. Most are Daddy Longlegs, but I've found black widows out here, too. I take everything off the patio a couple of times a year, spray it all down with the hose. I think it's about that time again.

August is a crispy time of year. I'm so looking forward to the Fall. October is my favorite month of the year. It's getting closer. :D
See the cracks? It's like this all over. I don't know if it's just another California earth shifting thing or if we've got some sort of sink hole situation going on. I watched this show once that explained that sink holes can be from construction - they clear the land, bury the trees, when the trees rot and break down, the ground sinks. I wonder if that is what is going on here? My apartment has weird cracks in the exterior walls, the front door fits oddly and has been adjusted twice, and all of our bedroom doors are off a bit. Bay's is way off, but she's got this door slamming problem and the whole doorway is screwed up.
This is a Valley Oak tree. Can you see my black flip flop? I put it next to the tree so that you could get an idea of how big it is. These are really gorgeous trees. The branches sometimes curve all the way to the ground. Where I grew up, we had little oak trees, nothing like these. That's my upstairs neighbor going by on the motorcycle. He's a nice kid with a big surround-sound issue. It's annoying, at times, but I prefer it to the neighbor who had the big barfing off the 2nd story into my plants problem. Yuck.

This is the second version of this post. The first one disappeared when I lost my connection. I lost track of how many times that happened today. Really, really, really a pain in the ass. The other verson was funny and entertaining - you would have been surprised by my incredible insights. I'm serious.

Friday Night, In the Park

The Shutter Sisters featured a post about the golden light of the early morning and early evening. Sarah and I take a lot of photos together at that time of day. We sit on the patio and I take shot after shot of her doing things like making faces at me or her eating popsicles or her smile, with the light coming through the top of the tree behind her.

I was able to get some shots in this same light when Mom and I took the kids downtown to the concert. Here's Chance, with the sun coming around the corner. This shots were all really dark and I added some fill light to them, so they aren't as sharp as they could be. Chance is such a handsome boy. I was looking at Rob's photos of the first day of school. He's a 6th grader now. I can remember when he was a baby and I got to spend every weekday with him. I loved taking care of him. He liked to be held a lot and to get him to go to sleep, I'd lay down next to him and he'd play with my hair. I'm sure that this made it very hard for Robin to put him down on weekends.

He was also a biter. He was a fan of stuff like fake-barfing. I'm serious - it cracked him up and you know how it is with babies, adults will do anything to get a baby belly laugh. One time I must have been especially good with the fake-barfing because he crawled over and bit me on the leg, then gave me the biggest smile. It makes me laugh to think about it. Spending the days with him, it was wonderful. He was a joy. He still is, only I don't get to see him as much now and he is able to go to sleep by himself now. Hopefully, he's outgrown the biting.
I took this the same day - it's the Senator Theater. Pretty cool old building. I saw "A Walk In the Clouds," there years ago. It was upstairs, I think, because I can remember leaving by the side door - they steered us in that direction - and then I was stuck on this steep metal staircase, leading 3 year-old Bay and carrying 4-year-old Max in his stroller. Tricky climb down. Not from the tower, though. I realize that might be misleading - just from the 2nd story.
Here's another shot from the opposite direction. That's Casey to the side, next to the poles. When I added the fill light to this one, it got little dots on it and I thought that they looked kind of interesting.
This is the last one. It shows that light fairly well. It is really a pretty place to be in the evening. I have no idea who that little girl is, but she looks like she's having a blast.

Ruby Tuesday

I took these photos last Wednesday. It was the evening after our first day back at school. Here's the flower ponytail holder that I wore in my hair. Here's Sarah getting in on the photo. Can you see her glittery blue nail? She had a special manicure.
I said, "Hey, let me get that red tongue - it's perfect for Ruby Tuesday."

Hope your day is wonderful. For more Ruby Tuesday posts, please check over at http://workofthepoet.blogspot.com

Sunday

I have so much on my mind today. My stimulus check should come some time in the next week or so. I've thought long and hard about what I want to spend it on. I worry that my biggest purchase - a good camera - is really not a wise use of my money. I want to be able to use the camera to make money, but now I'm worried that I'm fooling myself with that idea.

Is that an unrealistic dream? I don't need to make a lot of money, just some extra. I'd like to take pictures of kids and weddings and family and friends and nature. I'd like to capture something and give it to someone and have them say, wow, thanks, that's just what I've been wishing for.

I'm going to use some of the money on the girls, but there are so many things that they need. They need Summer clothes and in 2 and a half months, they are going to need school clothes. Sarah wants to go to day camp. I need to be able to drive them up and down the state for family visits and I want to get Bay something special for her 16th birthday, but honestly, there's only so much money that is going to be available.

I'm really stressing how I'm going to pay for everything that needs paying for. How am I going to be able to see Steve? He lives 6 hours away and neither one of us can afford the gas for that trip. I miss him and things have been so weird and wonky between us for the past couple of months. It would be good to be together and really see if those feelings are still there between us. I feel different, but I suspect that much of that is due to self-preservation.

Bay and I have been getting along a little better this weekend. It started with the game, she was so good-Bailey at the game. She is quite funny and charming when she wants to be. And beautiful. Look at her in this picture.

Sometimes I wonder how Todd and I made a girl so pretty. We are so average, which is fine, I have no problem with being average, but she's like a sum of all our a little above average parts. Luckily.

The weather this weekend is lovely - warm and breezy and comfortable. I've spent too much of it inside, on this couch, trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for everything. I wish I could go back to Friday nights ballgame and relive the whole thing over again, not wasting any time with worry. Worry never solved a thing.

Before the end of the day, Sarah and I are going to pack her bag for her Girl Scout camping trip - the June Jamboree. Tomorrow is her last official meeting and they are checking gear for the trip on the 6th. Camp. I wish I was going. I love to camp.

I wish I had time for a nap. Or maybe I should take a worry-break and read.......... before I know it, it's going to be bedtime and the weekend will be over.