It's Better When I Play Yahtzee

Hello. It's late - Friday is almost over.  Last week at this time I was busy packing and getting things ready for my trip. That's so much more exciting than sitting here thinking about how I can rest and clean my house this weekend. That doesn't involve either cute dogs, a charming man, or hot air ballons.  :/  I need to turn this around....I can also sleep in........ and get my camera out....... and cook, because I haven't been cooking much since I'm too darned tired. I will look on the bright side, because it's a weekend and I'm going to be free(ish) for two days. Very nice.

I spoke/imed with my cousin tonight. Prior to tonight, I think it's been about.........30 years since I spoke with her. No wait, more like 29. Still a lot. She has a daughter close to my age - both are my FB friends, but we don't interact a whole lot. She posts anti-tea party comments on FB which I enjoy a bit, since I'm assuming this means she is a fellow Liberal. I think that they are maybe 3 of us on Facebook.......okay, just kidding - I heard once that there are 12......... Anyway, she said that she likes my outlook and while I liked hearing/reading that, I couldn't help but feel guilty, as I always do when getting a compliment on an area of my life/self/whatever that I feel is a front.

I appear positive, because I want to be that way, so I fake it till I make it and sometimes, I guess, I fake it pretty well. My new-old boyfriend, he is a positive person - smiley and laughing and happy. He's facing something big, but he faces it with a good outlook. I really, really like that about him. (It's on the list, right below freckles).

I keep thinking things that have no place in my new life. Like this one, "I want my old life back."  It's not coming back. I can find a new version of a life that is sort of like that one, or a completely new one, but that one, it's over. It's taking me so long to stop thinking that. It annoys me that I hold onto that, but at the same time I think, well it hasn't even been 2 months yet, so maybe I'm doing better than I think.

And I have some new exciting things going on that I am happy about. They are a part of NOW. NOW is pretty good, although Bay isn't so crazy about it. She told me today that I am not the same person any more. I don't want to let her down, but I am so tired when I get home from work. I'm not as much fun as I used to be and I think she misses having me here during the day. I'll get used to the job and I'll be fun again. In fact, I'll be fun this weekend. I wonder if she'd like to play some games tomorrow night.......... I feel a string of Yahtzees coming on. :)

I'm wondering if I should avoid writing these when I'm tired. I have no idea if this made any sense..........

8/10/2010

School starts for Sarah tomorrow. She will be in the 7th grade. Bay starts at her new job. I really hope the day goes well for both girls. They deserve a good day.

I keep thinking about Max's class and how I'm sure it will be tough for all the ladies who work in there. He went to the same school for 17 years. His teacher, Jill, brought us dinner last night and the school psychiatrist brought dinner tonight. I keep looking at the place where he naps and he's not there. I hear a noise that sounds like a Max-noise and I look up, but it's not him. I miss my son so much. I keep holding on to that feeling and I don't want to let go. There's some crazy part of my brain that still hopes I'll wake up and the whole thing will have just been a nightmare.

She's Focused On the Boy

I had to pick Sarah up early from camp this week. She had a fever - at one time it was almost 103 - and they have a policy, plus that's pretty darn high. She's feeling a little better, but still popping up with a low-grade fever off and on. She is usually asleep.

Even sick, she had a wonderful time at camp. She has already told me about a few of subjects they covered at Environmental School including Salmon spawning and mining for gold. She went down into a mine (with a guide) and  the kids panned for gold. She loved the experience.

It was a beautiful drive up there and back. Whiskeytown Lake is jsut minutes from the town of Redding. I took my camera up there with me. I started thinking, hhmm if I moved to this end of Redding, I could be at the lake all the time.......  I'm a dreamer and I think about moving all the time.

I have had a challenging week in terms of running. Wednesday I had horrible heartburn and after a practically sleepless nigh,t I skipped running today. I seriously doubt that I will get my entire 20 miles in this week. I have 14.1 so far. I'm thinking about walking the last 6 instead of running it. Or maybe running only a couple and walking the rest. I feel exhausted and stressed out. (I hope this makes sense. Like I said, operating on very little sleep here).

Raising a teenager is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I spend a good deal of time feeling heart-sick. Did my mom feel this way? Did my grandma feel this way?  I don't see any sort of success or parenting awards in my future. I'd really just like to survive this time, I'd like us both to survive it. I think a lot of what I see comes from my daughter being fearful about the future. She said today that she did not want to grow up anymore.

I try to remember what I was like at her age. I didn't fight as much with my mom, (Mom agrees with this), but I'm not sure I had any sort of plan other than to marry my boyfriend in a year or so and then move to the Bay Area. It was all very vague - I was focused on the boy only.

I was talking to Bay today about not focusing totally on your relationship. I said it's a lesson that you learn with age, that I didn't get it when I was first married. She agreed, but knowing something and changing a pattern of behavior are two completely different things.

The future, it's all very vague to her right now. She's focused on the boy only.  She will figure it out.

Candy Houses

Christmas is over!!! Yay!!! I ended up in the spirit, but it was tough. Here are a couple of photos of the girls making their candy houses. They had a lot of fun. Kitty licked them right away. Silly Kitty.

Bailey loves the cream cheese frosting. Could you tell??

I'm going to take part in Shutter Sisters 365 Photo project at Flickr. I think it's going to be fun. I write every day (not here) so taking photos should be a breeze. I predict lots of product photos for work, lots of patio shots, and Sarah, because I can usually talk her into it.

I'd like to get a new little point and shoot that I can carry with me on runs, my bike, or hikes. There's no way I'm running with either of my "good" cameras in a backpack. I'm having trouble writing. My attention is half on the TV where I'm watching a rerun of Criminal Minds. Reed just told a philosophy joke. No one laughed. He's my favorite part of the show.

I Have This Wish For Bay

Just a quick update.......

Max is doing a bit better. He isn't needing breathing treatments as often and he's been fever-free today. He's starting a new week of antibiotics, so hopefully he will be doing well in a few days. We go back to the Dr on Tuesday. His hair is getting so long. Today, I pulled it back and said, "Look girls! Max has a Revolutionary War ponytail." Max wasn't amused, but Sarah sure was. I guess I better give the boy a haircut.

Sarah spent the night with her friend, Kacee on Friday. She came home and crashed early on Saturday, but for some reason, she thought she was awake until 4am. I think she must have dreamed that she was awake. She's asleep right now - wearing a Halloween costume. Bay wore it one year when she was a wizard or a witch. She is so cute.

Bay is feeling sad. She's going to be okay, though. She's a smart kid and while she's had some set-backs, she's figuring things out. She's very resilient and even when something bad happens, she looks for something to be happy about and she focuses on that. I don't know if she's noticed that about herself, but I have.

She had a friend-emergency this weekend. A girl she knows started throwing up and all the girl's friends took off. Bay stayed with her and found her a way home. Anybody that knows Bay very well will recognize this as HUGE. Bay's biggest fear is barf, which has made having Max as a brother challenging, because that kid barfs all the time. I'm proud of her for setting that aside and helping someone out when they needed it. When it comes to teenagers, it's important to appreciate the little things as well as the big ones.

I have this wish for Bay - I really hope that she can find friends like the friends that I have, people like Jackie and Leah who love me even when I'm not very lovable. It's important to find friends who love you despite your flaws. It's not a friend's job to judge - none of us is perfect. People that can't make allowances for human flaws, you are probably better off without them in the long run.

Some of those life lessons really suck.

I'm watching the new season of Storm Chasers on Discovery. Very exciting. I love to watch a good storm, but chasing tornadoes, I'll stick to watching that on TV.

Today was my boyfriend's birthday. I wonder if we will ever get to spend a holiday of any sort together? He's never tasted my birthday cheesecake.

Quick Saturday Catch-Up

It's been so long since I updated! I'm sorry. A lot has been going on. I'll start with yesterday and work my way back to last weekend...........

The Jogathon. Yesterday was the Jogathon at LCC. Look at those kids running! Sarah is in the pink t-shirt. I got a lot of fun photos. I usually volunteer, but this time I wandered around with my camera. Sarah enjoyed the event so much this year. She ran quite a bit of it, which was exciting to see. When she walked, she walked with her friend Karli. She had a big smile the whole time. Yay!

Sarah's birthday was Thursday. She is now 11. Her she is jumping for joy - WooHoo!! Cousins Ashlee, Brad, Hayden, Aunt Shawna, and Grandma came by and we did bubbles, played on the playground. Good day.

Check out this bubble. It's a good one.

The teenagers had prom last weekend. They had a wonderful time and spent a whole lot of money. Prom is complicated these days. There's so much they have to buy. I remember when I went, I borrowed a dress, we borrowed a car. The kids were so stressed out.

Bay wore a cute short dress and tall heels. She was almost as tall as Greg with her updo and her heels and he's 6 ft. Very glamorous. Greg seemed very comfortable in his tux. I like he liked the fanciness of it all. I drove him over to meet the other couples at his friend Deborah's house. I got this shot as they were walking out into the backyard for pictures.

The sun was so bright and they were squinting in every shot. I wish I had not been so shy in front of all the other parents, that I had pulled them off to the side, because with the expense of all the extras, they didn't end up with enough to buy pictures at the event.

Don't you think that they look pretty? Bay's hair looked just as great the next morning. It was set up with about 55 bobby pins. It was lovely.

Okay, that's it for now. I've got something very exciting to write about later in the week. My boyfriend is coming for a visit. I cannot tell you how excited I am. I'm afraid that I'm going to drive that boy crazy with my camera. Watch out, honey!

Wordless Wednesday - Three out of Four Kids On the Lawn

Blog - Funny Word

I started this blog a little over a year ago.

Blog. I'm still not comfortable with the word, even though I'm a professional blogger. It reminds me of that thing that Willow said about beer, or at least I think it was beer or maybe it was the word "drunk," something about Anglo-Saxon and guttural. The word "blogger" is Anglo-Saxon and guttural.

I'm a dork. I do not pretend to be anything else.
My teenagers are gone for the weekend. I will definitely miss Greg. I love Bay, but she and I are butting heads this week, so a break will do us good. Sarah misses Greg when he's gone, too.

Speaking of Sarah, she's supposed to be cleaning her room, but I peeked in there and everything that was a mess around the edges now sits in the middle of the room. She's like Mom in that she likes it all out where she can see it. It's just how their brains work. I prefer neat stacks or stick stuff under something or if I've got time and can make myself do it - gone. I want to see empty surfaces. It calms my brain.

My house is so cluttered right now. I clean the important areas - kitchen, bathrooms, laundry, patio (I love the patio best) - but my closet........ ewww kind of scary, my linen closets :( .

My plan for the weekend is to clear some space. If I want to be able to fit someone else in my life, he has to actually fit IN my life. He needs space for his stuff, too. I do not need so much stuff and I have to curb my packrat tendencies. My biggest problem - books. I love them all. Even the paperbacks. I look at them and I start with, have to save all the Harry Potters, even the volumes that are falling apart......then Nevada Barr, have to have her. Jenifer Crusie, well she makes me smile. Dictionaries, well I need 4 copies. They don't all have the same words. See my dilemma?

This is important to me. I can do it.

It's raining right now. We haven't had near enough rain this year. I have the windows open, a sweatshirt on, and Max has a blanket. We are good. I just want the fresh air.

Okay, I was wrong. I miss the teenagers. I hope that they have fun. Darn kids.

Sarah is leaving now, too. Just me and Max tonight. I wonder if I can get that kid to stay awake. She, Sarah, just said, "I haven't had a sleepover in forever. I'm excited!!" I am now excited for her. Sleepovers are the best part of being a girl.

Nature Notes - Bidwell Park and My Patio

Rambling Woods started something she's calling Nature Notes. I just woke up, so please excuse me if I don't get it completely correct. She is inviting people to take photos of their local nature and share them with the blogging world. Please click her name above, if you'd like to a take a look and participate.

Here are some flowers on my patio. I call them pansies, but I think that they are actually called something else. The something else currently escapes me, I'm sorry to say. I want to say violas, but that's probably wrong. I need some coffee.
Bay had a minimum day last week and we took the cameras down to Sycamore Pool, at One Mile, in Bidwell Park. I was messing around with the Through the Viewfinder here. My new Canon works much more effectively for this, because I can set the automatic focus. No leaves on the Sycamores yet.

Here's a longer shot of yesterday's Wordless Wednesday photo. That's a Valley Oak over head and I'm looking toward the dam and the bridge.

Bay leaned over and caught her focus on the side of the water with the Nikon. I wanted to try it and then she started taking shots of me taking shots. I don't know how many shots she made of me from my feet up - I was laying on the sidewalk - but I hate to think of the view of my big butt floating around somewhere out there. The park was pretty full for a weekday, but that's what it's like in a college town - the weather turns pretty, everyone heads for the water.

If you'd like to take part in Nature Notes. Then, you can click Rambling Woods name above or the picture, because I tried to make it clickable. :D More nature to come. Have a nice day.

A Happy Family

I finally put my first Girl Looks Swell post up. Just a quick intro, but I'll be back soon with more beauty information. Right now, Bay and I are using Mannatech skin care products and I want to be able to share both of our points of view. Hopefully I'll get her intro up there today, as well.

I'm going to be hosting a Wear Red event tomorrow for Heart Truth. If you'd like to take part, it's posted at my Veggie Chic blog. If you wear red tomorrow, please take your photo, then post it on your blog or your flickr account and then go back to Veggie Chic and leave a link in the comment section. I really, really hope that I'm not the only one who does it.

I wrote about Valentine's Day for Dating Dames today. I had a boyfriend for Valentine's Day last year. I was pretty happy on that day. This year, no boyfriend, of course no official ex-boyfriend either, since I still haven't spoken with him, but that's no longer of much importance. What I'm focusing on now - a happy family. We are happy!!! I'm pretty darn giddy about it.

I mentioned that to Bay a few minutes ago. She wants to give the whole of the credit to Greg and while I do think he has brought a lot of it on, I know that much of it is Bay. She's made great strides lately. She's been honest about some of what's going on with her and shedding some light on it, getting out from under the oppressive weight of secrets and lies, well, it's pretty darn liberating.

We rejoined the health club last night. Greg, Bay, and I all ran last night, but in the park, not at the gym. Greg went with his buddy - I went with Bay, but she had an asthma attack. I ran back to the car and when I drove up to get her, there was Greg. I told Sarah that it was like his Bailey radar was on high alert and he was drawn to the spot were she sat waiting. Out of all the places he could have run, well, the coincidence of it, finding her about 2 miles from our house, pretty interesting.

I have to get to work now. It's going to be a rainy day recess. Wish me luck, please!

Looking Ahead and Behind

The other night, while Greg was talking to his family, the girls and I waited outside. Sarah and I stayed at the van and I got out my camera. I had it with me, because we had planned to take it on our hike. I took one of those in the rearview mirror photos. I always like those - like to take them, like to look at them. Something about the where you are going, where you've been at same time - it's interesting.
Sarah was very annoyed at the wait, but I knew that Greg was very stressed out and needed us to be flexible. Bay was ready for a fight and Greg's friend was across the street working her up even further. Some people really enjoy a scene - I get the feeling that he's one of them.

Here's Sarah losing her patience as we lost the light.

Bay took this one of Greg. She took a whole bunch, but I like the way he's looking out the window here. His neck and his chin - something about that part of him looks so young and vulnerable - closer to childhood, than adulthood. He's a good boy. I hope that he feels comfortable here with us.

I'm no fan of Mondays

I write a very boring blog lately. I'm sorry. I have been a bit blue, no not depressed, Mom, but I have been blue. It's hard for me to know what to talk about when I'm feeling that way. I don't want to bitch and moan and poor-me all over the page. I want to write stimulating and interesting words. I can't think of any, so I write nothing.

It's all silly, the blue-ness. I feel this broken-hearteded and that annoys the hell out of me. Part of it is Steve stuff and part is Bailey stuff. I love the two of them so much, but I can't make them treat me with respect or caring or courtesy. They've got to do that on their own. They don't. Instead they yell (Bay) or ignore me (Steve) and I feel foolish.

I'm always going to Bay's Mom and I love her, so in her case, I keep on keeping on no matter how tricky and prickly things get.

Steve, now that's a different story. Today I changed my My Space to single. I haven't heard from him in two months. Sounds like I'm single, right? Feels that way, too. I liked being not single after so many years on my own. I liked being Steve and me again, after twenty plus years of being Steve-less. I'm so angry with him for f-ing this up. He is a stupid selfish bastard. I wish I could pluck him out of my heart and out of my memory.

I will do my best to think of something to write about. I could write about the Travolta's. I've been thinking about them a lot. I saw a photo today where John Travolta was smiling up into his son's face and it was both beautiful and painful to see. Raising a special boy, it's this........it's hard to explain what it is. It's like all these emotions and fears and thoughts are all wanting to burst out, explode outward and at all times the lid is down, but it's not fastened tightly and at any time it could lift and all that stuff could come flying out and streaming down and make a big mess.

Honestly, I want to go into my room and have a good cry, but Bay is doing her homework on my bed with her boyfriend and it's time to make dinner anyway.

I want to be like that All American Reject song......When you see my face, I hope it gives you hell.......you know build up some righteous indignation, but I'm just out of energy. It took all I had to get through the holidays. Now I'm hanging on and dreaming of Spring.

Stuck At Home

We were supposed to go to my sister's house today, but last night Bay found out that she had to work today and tomorrow, so our trip is off. I was hoping that Round Table (where she works) would be slowish and she could get off early or maybe even not come in (this has happened a few times lately), but nope, they were very busy tonight. We are still off for tomorrow. After tomorrow, she does not work until the 9th. Can you believe that?? Darn.

I could so use a good visit with my sister right now. I want to sit and laugh with her until my face hurts - a regular thing when I spend time with Robin. I want to hug my niece and nephews and I wouldn't even cringe if my brother-in-law smacked me really damn hard on the butt. (What is up with guys in their 30s and early 40s doing the butt slap anyway??)

My mom is with them now and she can use all that stuff, plus I think she actually enjoys a good butt slap. (Ha! okay that sounded wierd, but really it's very innocent). I hope that everybody likes the gifts that I sent. I got Ashlee a fluffy stuffed dog who has a t-shirt that says "Major Attitude." I was so excited when I found it. She's a princess who absolutely fits with a fluffy
t-shirted dog.

Earlier today I had a long talk with Bay about work, school, and how she has or has not been taking care of herself. She was very good with the listening - no texting, no phone. I was impressed with her good manners. I tried to think of a good way to talk to her about putting more focus on school. She and her boyfriend are doing very well - they rarely fight and they are together all the time, so I decided to use a compliment about her relationship as an opener.

I asked her how she makes her relationship work. She said, "Time and patience."

Perfect. I said, "Very good. Now what do you think would help you in school?"

She said, "You. You got me." I was so proud of myself. It's pretty rare to feel like I got my Mom-ing just right.

I'm Building Me A Love Altar

I had an interesting horoscope today. So interesting - to me - that I wrote about - me!! - at Dating Dames. Anywhere, here it is:

Happy Holy Daze, Leo!
If I could give you one gift for the holidays, it might be a magic object
to add to your love altar -- something like a pomegranate resting on red velvet,
or a golden heart-shaped magnet, or Pablo Neruda's book 100 Love Sonnets. What?
You don't have a love altar? Well then please begin creating one as soon as
possible, and continue building it throughout 2009. For the next 12 months, the
time will be right to get smarter, wilder, and kinder in your approach to
creating intimate connection.

I like it. I think I'm going to build that Love Altar. What can it hurt? I'll make it pretty.

My daughter has a tattoo. Seriously. I had no idea. Last night she raised her arm, her shirt slipped up and I said, "What is that?!" and it was a tattoo that her friend Mia gave her with her very own tattoo-making-whatever-you-call-it, because doesn't every freshman in high school need their very own tattoo -making -thingy??

I was upset, but what can I do? It's there. It's permanent. It's a tattoo.

It's messy, too. And big. The bottom is all smudgy. So, now it needs to be fixed. Why couldn't she wait one and a half years, when she will be 18, so that she could get it done by someone who was not 14 years old? I didn't punish her because I know that she has to look at it and go, "what was I thinking??"

She exhausts me.

Tomorrow is the last day of school for 2008. I'm looking forward to the break, but I'm going to miss the kids. Sleeping in a bit, now that's going to be good. I do love sleep.

Baby's 1st Christmas

I was playing around with my camera the other day, something that I've not had a lot of time to do lately. I was trying to take a shot of a candle that I was reviewing, I wanted to show it lit because the holder was so pretty.

I don't know the trick to taking low light photos. I tried changing the shutter speed and that was interesting. Then, because I had the camera in my hand, I started pointing it at pretty much anything in the room. Do you do that? It reminds me of when I start watering the garden and pretty soon I've sprayed off the entire patio, including the overhead spiderwebs because it's just so darn much fun to play with the house.

Later, after I drove Bay over to Greg's house, I held the phone in my lap and would put it up and shoot blindly down the dark road in front of me. The lights looked like streams, slippery, swirly, stripes.
I decided to try some closer shots of my tree, which got tricky because I couldn't tell if the camera was fully in focus. Can you see me in the pink bulb below?

One of our family traditions is the Baby's 1st Christmas ornaments. Here is Sarah's ornament, from 1998.

And Bailey's little bear from 1992.

Max's ornament is a little harder to see. It's a white baby bottle. Can you see it? It's in the middle. Max's first Christmas was 1990. That was probably my most exciting Christmas ever. I can remember opening all my presents with my tiny little boy in my lap.

Mom got all the ornaments for me. I'm very excited about the holidays this year. I think we are going to do a bunch of baking this weekend. We make chocolate chip cookies, decorated sugar cookies, snickerdoodles, fudge....... and I think we'll do something else, something new. Maybe some sort of brittle. Any suggestions?

I still haven't heard from Steve. I have an ad up at Match.com, thinking that if he doesn't want me, doesn't want to continue to pursue a committed relationship maybe it's time to move on. But he never said he didn't want one, he just said he did not know about the future right now. I'm so confused. I want him, but he does this out of contact thing that makes me crazy. It hurts to be ignored. For days. For weeks. Doesn't he feel that I'm interesting? I don't want anyone else, but I feel like an ass sitting up here on the shelf for so long.

So, I made an ad and I really think I'm very relieved that nobody else wants me either and that's why I'm baking and taking picture after picture of my tree. I'm focusing on Christmas. I bought Max a little iPod Shuffle. Shh, don't tell him. He's going to love it. I hope.

Today was a big Bay Day. I took her down to the Dr, to discuss what was behind her recent fainting spell. Her Dr, also Max's Dr (and soon to be Sarah's), is a pediatrician. She is incredibly thorough (and smart). She questioned Bailey about her diet, her medications, what she ate or drank, how much water she had, if she felt funny when she stood up, how her ears were affected by the fainting............ she covered pretty much anything and everything.

In the end, after much examination and blood pressure tests in various positions, the Dr decided that it was probably due to a problem with Bay's inner ear. That's what regulates balance. She also explained the importance of eating correctly so that she doesn't suffer from low blood sugar. I've spoken with Bay about nutrition time and again, but I'm Mom, what do I know?

Bay hates it when she learns that I'm right about yet another thing. Hee hee. I love it.

Here is a photo of Bay with her boyfriend, Greg, at the dance that they attended a couple of weekends ago. I cannot get over those legs.

I found this one while looking for some Bay shots for this post. This is Bailey standing next to my nephew, Chance, at the creek. I need to get over there. I look forward to floating in this water in about..........6 months. Possibly 7. Ahhh......

I missed Ruby Tuesday this week!!! Darn it! I hope that you all had fun.

Don't forget to enter my giveaway, if you haven't already. I'd really like to give you that photo! ;D

Now I'm off to bed, because I'm out of time - today is now tomorrow!

Catching Up on Monday

I'm having trouble uploading pictures today, so I'm going to skip it for right now. We had an interesting weekend around our house.

Friday, I met my girlfriends for a viewing of Twilight. I was so worried about the tickets selling out (they did) that I went down to the theater at 1:30 and picked them up. We arrived very early, waited in line, I handed out the tickets, and my ticket was not a ticket, but a receipt! I panicked. I switched out purses - my fault, darn it, I wanted to sneak in a water - and it was in the other purse.

I ran to the ticket office and explained that when I bought the tickets, the girl said, "Here are your tickets," handed me a strip of 4 connected tickets, and then, "and here is your receipt," a single small piece of paper. That's the part that I left behind.

Luckily, I was able to talk them into letting me in. I told them that I would pay for another ticket, whatever it took, but for some reason they decided to believe me. I guess I should thank my believable mom-face for that.

Saturday, Sarah and I sold nuts for the Girl Scouts, outside Trader Joes. We had a lot of fun selling the nuts with her former Brownie troop leader and her daughter. I always dread these booth sales, but they are usually fun. I get to chat with another mom for awhile, the girls have fun.

Saturday night, I dropped Bay off at one place, but she was supposed to spend the night at another place. She did not check in, did not respond to my texts or phone calls. I was very concerned. And pissed. Finally, after midnight she checked in.

Sunday, Sarah and I went to see Twilight. I liked it much better the second time that I saw it. I was prepared for the changes to the story and I enjoyed the opportunity to stare at that handsome boy for an additional few hours. (Honestly, I am adding him to my movie star boyfriend list).

I got a call from Bay's work (Round Table Pizza). Bay said that she had fallen at work, could I pick her up. Heck yeah. I raced over there and was told that she had either fainted or had a seizure. Oh boy. I took her over to get something to eat immediately. I don't think that she ate much over the weekend, I can't be sure, as she spent most of her time away from home.

I'm making an appointment for her to see her Dr today. She has a bump on the back of her head and a really bruised elbow from the fall. That kid scares the stuffing out of me. All the time. People think that Max must be a challenge, but he has never been the challenge that Bay has been. I love her like crazy, but it is exhausting to be her mom.

Okay, now on to business..... I am holding a giveaway over at my Veggie Chic blog. To enter, go to Veggie Chic, click on the post about the giveaway, leave a comment there, and I will pick a random winner on Black Friday (this coming friday). I will be giving away one of the photos from my Etsy shop.

I'm going to go lay down with a book for about 30 minutes now. I have a really busy day ahead of me and I woke up well before dawn because I could not sleep. I'm so worried about Bailey. I need a little break before I continue my work day. My head hurts.

Bay's Dance

Here are some photos from the night of Bay's big dance. I also snuck Whoobie, our guinea pig in because he's so darn cute.
Here is a shot of her putting on perfume. Do you think she should have worn a shorter skirt? Yikes. That girl has got some great legs. Her dress looks on the taupe side here, but it was a smokey grey color. I tried to warm the photo a bit and it affected the color. Really bad lighting.

There we both are. :D She was straightening her hair and her iron just broke - cracked, fell apart - so Sarah and I jumped in the van and went to borrow her friend Kimm's iron. Phew. Crisis averted. The clock on the wall is the wrong time, but now with daylight savings time, it's correct. Bay and I laughed about that yesterday. It was in her room for months with the wrong time and when she finally hung it on the wall again, I never got around to changing it. Silly me.

Here she is head to toe. It looks like the goldfish is checking out her legs, as well. Apparently she was having some sort of undergarment issue.

This shot shows the detail on the dress a little better. The beds are a sort of metallic-y blue, taupe, purple, brown, grey mixture. Pretty. She had a good time at the dance and now has a great dress to wear for New Years!

I will be back later after I vote. Good Tuesday to you!

Getting Through the Day

This little beauty is one of my friends from school. She is showing off her school carnival tattoo here. :D

Every day, when she finishes lunch and heads into the go-to-recess line, she stops by and gives me a hug. Sometimes, when I'm walking around the playground, she will come up behind me and slip her hand into mine. This child is so sweet, so loving. She is a joy to be around.

Last Spring, I posted a picture of one of her brothers - she has two at our school. I don't get a chance to visit with him much this year. He's got a lot of friends and he's busy. I like to see that.

One of my co-workers didn't show up for work today. Our principal had to do her job. I'm hoping that by doing what Tammy has to do every day, she will have more respect for what Tammy accomplishes. Tammy is not always treated with a lot of respect. This evening, I was going through my messages and I found one from Tammy. I'm not sure, but I think she must have left it today. I feel bad that I missed her - she sounded very upset. I hope that she's better this evening.

I'm so out of sorts right now. I'm worried about money. I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm worried about my relationship with my daughter. It's interesting, but no less distressing to me, that I have noticed that they both treat me carelessly in very much the same way. They are quick to judge each other on this bad behavior, but seem unable to recognize it in themselves. I love them both very much, but they are not always easy to love. Somtimes I feel that all I can do is to get through one day at a time, not think too much about the future beyond that.

Well, it's getting late here and I need to get something together for the kids to eat. I can't wait to climb into my bed.

Sunday Sleepover

My daughter, Bailey, has changed a lot over this Summer. She's grown taller and slimmer and her confidence has soared. She's become very social - lots of fun times out with her friends, less time sitting in her room.

She and I, we find each other's company challenging, at times. She's doing what she's supposed to do at this point - she's driving me crazy so that I will be able to let her go someday. I get that, but getting it and surviving it are two very different things. I need to take some new photos of her. She's with her cousin, Chance, above. I'm going to see if I can get Bay and her friend, Kimm, to sit for me. I want to do some examples of Senior photos. I know that it's probably too late for that this year, but I want to have some seasonal examples for a portfolio. Next year I hope to be very busy with that sort of thing.

Anyway, back to Bay........ She and I had a sleepover last night. It was so fun!! Sarah was out of town - a Girl Scout Sleepover at a water park in Redding, CA - and we drug her mattress out to the living room, watched movies, ate Taco Bell and brownies, and got silly with YouTube. Did you know that much of YouTube is baby farts? Well, it is and baby farts, much like boys screaming like girls, always funny. Either that, or I'm very easily amused........ Okay, it's probably that.

Bay told me that she liked having me to herself. Who knew? I'm feeling very peaceful tonight. :D