Father & Mother

Yesterday was Bay's birthday. She is now 19. It is the first time we have not spent her birthday together. I guess that's how it goes when your kids grow up and become mommies and you move away and get married to your best pal.

Bay wrote something on her Facebook wall about her stepdad remembering her birthday and her father forgetting. That man continues to be a disappointment to our children. I usually say he has good intentions and poor follow-through, but to be honest, as time goes by even I realize that may no longer be the case. What is wrong with him? Does he forget? How do you forget something like that?

I remember growing up with a single mom. My dad didn't forget my birthday, but I didn't get to spend very many of them with him. Mom used to say things like, "I try to be both a mother and a father to you." We all laughed when we heard George Carlin use the same line in his act, but a single parent really does have to play both roles. I'm not sure I was ever good at the dad-part, but once I got a Father's Day card from Sarah that said, "You are the top pop," and I'm saving that thing forever.

Photos Won't Load

For some reason I can't load my photos. I give up.

Around midday today started to suck. I got into another fight with my oldest daughter and I'm worn out. Raising kids on my own all these years, it's been challenging. I don't have any real memories of co-parenting. I have always done it all, even when I was married for those first 2 years. I'm not sure that's been good. I don't always make the right decision the first time. I don't always say the right thing or do the right thing. Sometimes I am not a good mom. I want to be, it's always my intention, but I feel like I'm figuring it out as I go.

I really hope that my children do a better job than I did choosing a partner. I'd like the single parent trend in my family to stop with me. I want the girls to have a full life with a partner. I would really like for them both to be happy.

I Am A Mom First

I had a great evening with my kids last night. We watched movies and laughed. At bed time it occurred to me that I've been wrong-headed about my life lately. I've been focusing on things that don't matter. Somehow I got off-track.


On New Years eve, I was having so much fun with Mom and Sarah. We were laughing and drinking a couple of champagne cocktails (Sarah skipped those, of course) when a friend called and said something about the time and I was way off. I hadn't paid attention to the clock - I was in the minute, not watching the passage of it. He called me a dumb ass and I was both embarrassed and confused by this, although at the time I laughed. What else could I do? Was he joking? I'm not good with that sort of thing any more. I have trouble making the distinction between harmless and mean.


This is the sort of thing that I don't want to focus on anymore. And if you are reading this and you are thinking, well she's written this very poorly or she's got some detail wrong, then you are probably right, so you can hold on to that. I know it's important to some people to be right no matter what. I'm going to be wrong or mistaken and not worry about winning arguments. I don't enjoy arguing anyway.


I want to live my life with the people that I can trust and count on. If you don't like me, move on. I am not everybody's cup of tea.

From here on, it's back to being Mom-first. I believe that a man sees himself in relation to his job and a woman sees herself in relation to her home. I want to make my home and my family's home life rich with love and joy.


I believe that by living a life that I can be proud of, by doing my jobs and respecting myself and those that I care about, the rest will fall into place. I will walk the talk, I will do my best to be a good person, someone that my children look up to.