I'm In Charge Here

I woke up feeling sort of blue this morning. Ugh. Enough of that.

I realize that my mood, my point of view, I'm in charge of it. If I don't want to feel sad, it's up to me to get my shit together and turn myself around.  It's that simple. Right?  Okay, not simple, but do-able.

I need to get my mind back to where I was a few years ago.  I had a good life and I was happy.  I was focused on my kids and my home. I was organized and on track. Then, I got a peek at something else and I went sort of nuts.

It's okay to dream, it's okay to work toward a goal, but it's also important to find peace and some sense of satisfaction in where you are.

It's the Mary Englebreit idea of  Bloom Where You Are Planted.

Here's how I plan to get back on track...

*Lay off the dating for awhile. Just put it on the shelf. If someone wonderful drops into my lap, okay, I'll go for it, but I'm not seeking it out for now.

*Pare down some of my writing projects. I'm going to focus on a few key blogs and step away from the rest. I've been freaking out about money since the end of Splendicity. It's been fairly terrifying. Time to stop scrambling. I will focus on marketing what I enjoy most.

*I'm going to get back to work on my book.

*I'm going to spend more time with my camera in my hand.

*I'm going to stop thinking about moving and instead make the place where I live, my home for 6 years now, feel like the place where I want to stay.

Okay, there are my goals. Do-able. All of them.  Happy days, here I come!!   Happy Mother's Day to you, if you are a mom. :)

Spring is For ... Running

Just before I turned 40, I started running. I never thought of myself as a runner before that and when a personal trainer at my health club mentioned trying it, I laughed. No way. I hate running. Then, for some reason that I do not remember, I started running. I would run a minute, walk a minute, run a minute, walk a minute.... I can still remember the first time that I ran an entire mile - I ran downhill in Upper Park, picking my way down through the lava rock. I was thrilled.

I read something in Runner's World about mileage, that if you ran 20 miles a week, you could still eat pretty much normally. I like to eat, so 20 miles became my magic number. I kept this up for more than a year. Then, I started a relationship and I got out of the habit. The relationship was a long distance relationship, but he was in town often enough that I got off track. I gained weight during that time and eventually things fell apart and I gained more weight. I worked so hard to achieve a certain level of fitness (and I did work hard, I've notebooks full of mileage to prove it) and I just threw it away.

I've tried to get it back a few times. I will do well for a week, then something will happen - someone will get sick, I'll get stressed about .....I'll find an excuse. I am not doing that anymore. I will get that fitness back. My health and all the things I want to do in my future depend on it.

This year I've run a 5K with my sister - really a very poor showing on my part, I just could not run long at all. It freaked me out, but a few weeks later, I checked my blood pressure and found out that it as high. Since that time, I've lost a little weight and started building up mileage with walking and now I'm running again. My blood pressure is now on the high end of normal. I am certain that I can get it lower.

I have a new goal, because I do better with a goal, I want to run the City of Gold Triathlon on May 8th. It's a sprint triathlon - 1/2 mile swim, 12 mile ride, and 3 mile run. I ordered a tri suit in an effort to hold myself to the plan. Wish me luck!!

My List

Every year I set a few goals. Sometimes I reach them, sometimes I don't. There are a few things that I put on my list every year.

They are:

*Play something on my guitar
*Learn a foreign language
*Learn to juggle

Today is the 3rd, well it's the tail end of the 3rd. This year I'm going to accomplish those goals, at least in some part. Sarah is going to teach me something on my guitar. We are going to start tomorrow. We are going to start learning some Spanish - I think I'll get something from the library, like a kid's book. This weekend, we are going to juggle. That's it.

I've got a list and I've got a little over 3 weeks to finish it.

Then, I'll start a new list.

Nothing To Do With Apples

This post is not about apples. I've just been eating a lot of apples lately, I'm really tired, and I couldn't find a photo that fit. So, here are some Granny Smiths.

I am so tired. My body hasn't adjusted to this exercise yet. I'm trying, but regaining fitness a second time is almost as hard as getting there the first time. I vow to never let myself get distracted enough to lose sight of my goals again.

I was watching a former Biggest Loser winner on TV last week. He was participating in an Iron Man competition, but he was not in his former Biggest Loser-winning shape (he was a chubby boy). He finished, but missed the cut-off by mere minutes. At one point, he's in the running portion (the running portion is the distance of a marathon) and the sweep-up vehicle goes by. He's warned that he'll have to pick up the pace or be "swept" off the course. He digs in, crosses the finish line, his wife (also a former Biggest Loser contestant) runs over and hugs him, she's crying. He explains how he believes that it is important for everyone to at some point do something that they feel they cannot accomplish, to push the body beyond it's limits.

I could never complete an Iron Man. I could work toward a marathon and I've always wanted to do a Sprint triathlon, but the time it would take to train for something like an Iron Man is insane. I'm a single parent - I'm the only eyes on the case around here. My kids would run wild and be left to live on Cheetos and Diet Coke. Okay, not really, but I do tend to greet each new idea with an instant NO! I can't! I'm working on changing that. My idea is to live bigger, to move beyond my usual barriers. I'm a creative girl, I can figure out how to make it work. (See how I pep talk myself there??)

Giving birth is similar to an Iron Man in a way. There's this point where you are so exhausted, you are sure that if you could just stop and take a break for a bit that you'd be able to get your second wind, but it doesn't work that way. You labor when you labor, you push when it's time to push, because whether you are ready or not, that baby has got to come out. You are simply pushed beyond your limits by necessity. Maybe when I am feeling tired I should remind myself that I have completed something much harder before, in fact I did it three times.