Moving, Working, and Other Stuff

My family is moving. We are going to be living in a 5th wheel while we are putting in a more permanent residence. I'm not sure how long we will be in that 5th wheel, but it's a nice one, with a decent kitchen, a regular shower, and a couple of recliners, so we should be comfortable. It's an adventure, is what I'm telling myself.

We spent a few evenings getting our area clear of rocks and weeds - it's next to the spot where John puts in his vegetable/melon garden each year. He pulled out a part of the fence (this area was formerly known as The Arena on the ranch), which involved hooking a chain to a couple of powerpoles (used as fence posts) and yanking them out with his pickup. He loved that.

I'm going to do what I did with the apartment and make my front area as pretty as possible. I need to get down to Chico to pick up Max's tree. I look forward to planting it after all these years.  It started in a petunia pot Max's very first Spring/Summer. I kept it right outside the window from his spot in the house (a big, comfy pillow bed which really helped with his Scoliosis).  I really miss that kid. I think about him every day and sometimes out of nowhere I start crying. Grief is an odd thing, stronger than just about any emotion I've ever felt and it can literally steal my words and make me feel powerless.

I've been doing a lot of landscaping sort of work lately. I left the grocery store back in April and I spend most of my time working on a berm-type island on a ranch (never-ending weeds). I've also subbed a bit at the elementary school. I've been an aide, the school librarian, the school secretary, and my most recent job there was cafeteria cook. I've enjoyed all the jobs and I hope that someday they have a permanent place for me.  In the meantime I keep looking, trying new things out. I spent 20 years doing the same thing - it's taking some time to figure out how I want to spend the next 20 years.

Also, I put a few prints up at Fine Art America. You can see my profile here.

Happy Thursday to you!

I Really Kind Of Like It Here

It was a dark and stormy night... and it still is. The tree out front is whipping around and the rain is hitting the side of the house. I hope Sis the hound is in her dog house.

One of the many perks involved with moving back to your hometown is that you run into a lot of "old friends." Some are friends-friends, some are acquaintance-friends, and others are just familiar faces you used to know.

Today, I ran into a friend from the 6th grade. He and I attended Bogus School, a one-room schoolhouse back in...well it was a long, long time ago. While we were students there, he "went" with my sister, Robin, then later, at the end of the year, he "went" with me for about a week, so this was a boy that I kissed when I was 11. John is good friends with his son and I recently spent the day with the son when he helped John get in a load of wood. His son is a really nice guy, works hard, very friendly.

Anyway, this guy, Richard is his name, looks very good, hardly aged at all. I knew it was him from halfway across the front of the store, which is not the case with many old friends. I will look at them for the longest time and then think, oh yeah, that's so and so. Richard has a new baby, only 3 months old, and he's a Grandpa. I have to say this - congratulations to Richard and his lady, but oh man I hope I do not have any more kids at this age.

I walked him over to his car, way across the shopping center, over to where his dad was just coming out of Carl's Jr. Now his dad, I hadn't seen his dad since back in the 6th grade days when he had all kinds of long, curly, dark hair. I remember we used to spend the night with Richard's sister, Sara, and listen to their dad's records. Richard's mom would make us ebelskeivers (sp?) for breakfast... that reminds me, I still haven't used my pan. Richard and Sara taught Robin and me how to build forts and pee outside. It was at there house that we first spent time around animals like chickens and turkeys. And I have this clear picture in my mind of what Richard's fingernails looked like as a kid. Yes, I know that's an odd memory to carry, but I've carried it all these years. I mentioned it to John and I'm pretty sure I got one of those My Girlfriend Is A Weirdo looks.

I love living back here. I really enjoy running into familiar faces, feeling ties to a place again. I lived in Chico all that time and never really felt like I belonged there, never felt any ties to the location, although I did meet some wonderful people while I was there, like Max's teachers. My boyfriends, my best friends, they were all people whom I grew up with up here. Every day something happens that makes me feel more sure that I did the right thing moving back.

My 400th Post

This is my 400th post, as you can tell by my title. Wow. I must really like to write about myself. :)

Today is my last day at my new job, because this weekend I am moving almost 3 hours away, to a place where I will need to find a new-new job. We, my boyfriend and I, are renting a cute, little house at the edge of town, with a woodstove and a view of grass, cows, and mountains. I am so excited.

I'm nervous about the moving, but more about the job-less-ness. I am in no way nervous about moving in with my boyfriend. I tried this with him before and it worked well then - I'm hoping it's even better this time. I'm older now and I don't have the same expectations I had then. I'm not as selfish, that's for sure.

I'm also very excited because this means I will get to see Muddy Waters every day and I love that dog.

Falling Behind

I'm very behind on all my blogs. I haven't written anything at Girl Looks Swell in forever and I had two giveaways to write up. Everything is in a sort of upheaval now, so I'm going to leave it for a bit. I'm in the middle of some big changes and I'm not real sure what is going to happen. I wish I did, because I know that my family would like some answers, but so many things hinge on how will an interview will go or if we can find a place. I don't like not having answers for my mom, the girls, my sister, but I don't know myself right now. Sure would be nice to be independently wealthy. I'd pack my stuff, go BUY a house, and move my family in.

I know I said I wasn't going to write about my boyfriend, but I have to write this - that guy is calm. Super calm. I feel myself tensing up and he stays loose and good-natured and I think, I really need to learn how to do that.

I was calm and relaxed for a long time. It was easy, because I made my life as simple as I could, I had my routine and my familiar surroundings. It's change or up-coming change that throws me. I have faith that in a short time I'm going to be feeling calm again.

Okay, time to fold some clothes. I've got packing to do.

Moving Day Is Closing In

I'm moving soon. I have to be completely out of my apartment and ready for my walk out inspection by the 11th of November. I haven't packed any boxes or gone through any closets or pared down anything that I need to pare down. I have, however, made a decision to not take my round dining table, to instead switch it out with the rectangular table that I call "my desk". One item to cross off my list.


My friend, Leah, can't believe I have nothing packed. She was just here, left about 20 minutes ago and she said, "You've got so much stuff." Yes, Leah, I do. If I weren't so tired I'd be seriously freaking out. In the past, I've moved in a hurry. One time I moved from Yreka to Chico in half a day. We moved so fast, were so efficient, that my boyfriend's mother (the very same boyfriend's mother that I have now) packed up my garbage and loaded it onto the truck. Funny.

I won't have all that help this time. It will be pretty much Sarah and myself. I need to sell my treadmill. I need to pack up all the toys that Sarah hasn't played with for about 2 years. I need to get rid of my vast collection of...magazines. Why do I have such a hard time getting rid of magazines?

I should stay home this weekend and get it done, but I'm going up North instead. I need to get out of here for a bit and plan how I'm going to get everything done. Oh, who am I kidding - I need to escape. This apartment makes me sad. It's wrong to be here without Max. I want to start over somewhere new, live a completely different life.  I need to where I can be hugged by someone bigger and stronger than I am.